I had a dream: Bernardi to form new party

SPECIAL REPORT: Emerson Bracewell in Canberra The Plain Dealer’s Canberra insider, Emerson Bracewell, has reported on his recent conversation with Senator Cory Bernardi (pictured) in which Mr Bernardi has indicated his intention to form a new political party.  “I’ve been good mates with Berns since the ‘Conservative Revolution’ days, ” declared Bracewell. “We’d often catchContinue reading “I had a dream: Bernardi to form new party”

Hardware helper performs Heimlich heroics

Bunnings worker and Far North Queensland Hardware Workers Union spokesman Stanley Briggs has been praised by emergency services for his quick response to a sausage emergency at the Smithfield store today. Briggs rushed to the aid of an unnamed teenager who was alleged to be choking on a cheese kranski. “It’s nothing special. The trainingContinue reading “Hardware helper performs Heimlich heroics”

Feathery friends find inner peace

By Destiny Givens Premier yoghini at the Clifton Yoga and Oneness Centre,  Sajaan Saroop Jenkins (pictured above), has described a special moment during this morning’s Satyananda class. at Palm Cove. “We were just setting up for some downward-dogs,” Sajaan Saroop explained, “when someone at the back let rip a massive fart. This isn’t uncommon, butContinue reading “Feathery friends find inner peace”

Three cheers for the champions from up here!

By Allan Povah The tropical north enjoyed perfect weather, as usual, for Far North Queensland Day yesterday. Locals got up to their usual tricks; barbecues with friends, sucking on mangoes and pig shooting were popular activities. “It’s great up here in summer at the best of times,” said Maybelle Shaunessy of White Rock. “It’s eitherContinue reading “Three cheers for the champions from up here!”

Explosive revelations from Karl

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Karl Stefanovic (pictured) has responded to mounting pressure to pass his learned eye over the controversial Plain Dealer limerick competition. The contest required budding poets to wedge the word ‘Mexico’ and ‘avocado’ into a five-line tome. The nominated winner, Mitchell Murchison, of Parramatta Park was awarded the first prize of a trip forContinue reading “Explosive revelations from Karl”

Mixed feelings on the TPP: Winter is coming for farmers and hackers

By Shirley Higgins-Croft There have been mixed reactions to the announcement this morning that the United States has pulled out of the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP). ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore, mayor of Mareeba, has voiced concerns over the impact this will have on exports from the region. “Obviously, the lychee guys are OK,” he said. “ButContinue reading “Mixed feelings on the TPP: Winter is coming for farmers and hackers”

Robbed: No AB sparkles for the iShow

By Destiny Givens Far North Queensland has been cast in a pall of doom and disappointment this morning as locals wake to the news that Ben Dunk has again been snubbed at the Allan Border Medal. Dunk failed to receive a single award, despite being the odds-on favourite in all categories on the BetTolga wageringContinue reading “Robbed: No AB sparkles for the iShow”

Trinity Beach closed: Red smells a ‘croco-droid’

By Allan Povah Trinity Beach identity and self-described croc-wrangler Red Robbins (below) has made some explosive allegations about the sighting of a two-metre crocodile today at Trinity Beach. The animal was seen swimming between the stinger nets and the southern end of the beach, a spot popular for paddling and rock-skimming. As Chief Crocodile ConsultantContinue reading “Trinity Beach closed: Red smells a ‘croco-droid’”

‘Two-Bob’ calls for Stefanovic to adjudicate limerick contest, rules out Royal Commission

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Cairns Regional Council Divison 2 representative and part-time poet, John ‘Two-Bob’ Schilling (pictured above), has weighed into the recent controversy associated with the recent Trinity Beach Plain Dealer’s limerick competition. Entrants were required to fit the words ‘Mexico’ and ‘avocado’ within the strict limerick format. Councillor Schilling has declared that he couldContinue reading “‘Two-Bob’ calls for Stefanovic to adjudicate limerick contest, rules out Royal Commission”

‘El Chapo’ in big apple, ‘Big’ Tom angry bigly

By Paulo Zupp North Queensland-Mexico relations have reached a new low with the decision to extradite ‘El Chapo’ (Short-arse) Guzmán to the United States. The Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions had sought to have Guzmán stand trial in Mareeba to face charges of drug trafficking and extortion. Mareeba mayor, ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore wasContinue reading “‘El Chapo’ in big apple, ‘Big’ Tom angry bigly”