‘El Chapo’ in big apple, ‘Big’ Tom angry bigly

By Paulo Zupp

North Queensland-Mexico relations have reached a new low with the decision to extradite ‘El Chapo’ (Short-arse) Guzmán to the United States.

The Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions had sought to have Guzmán stand trial in Mareeba to face charges of drug trafficking and extortion. Mareeba mayor, ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore was clearly angry at a press conference today. “Short-arse Guzmán is single-handedly responsible for the ice epidemic on the tablelands,” Councillor Gilmore said. “The tradies are all on it, construction is at a standstill, and the homeless problem is growing. That little Mexican bastard is the author of more misery up here than cyclone Larry.”

When questioned, Councillor Gilmore would not rule out a petition to Donald Trump to re-extradite Guzmán to Australia. “I think Trump would be sympathetic,” Gilmore said. “He doesn’t like Mexicans much. We think he’ll support our extradition of El Chapo to a non-shithole country like North Queensland.”

Editor in Chief, Murray Murchison, is currently on assignment in Mexico and had intended to interview Guzmán prior to his extradition. His report on Puerto Vallarta chimichangas will appear in tomorrow’s Plain Dealer.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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