Three cheers for the champions from up here!

By Allan Povah

The tropical north enjoyed perfect weather, as usual, for Far North Queensland Day yesterday. Locals got up to their usual tricks; barbecues with friends, sucking on mangoes and pig shooting were popular activities. “It’s great up here in summer at the best of times,” said Maybelle Shaunessy of White Rock. “It’s either pissing down rain or effing hot. And effingQ Day is the fucking best.”

In the Queen’s honors list, Johnathan Thurston (pictured) and Matthew Bowen were named as Knights of Order of the Cape of York. Thurston was also named as Far North Queenslander of the Year for the fifth year in a row.

In his commencement speech, Thurston was quick to praise the runners-up, Matt Scott (front row forward for the North Queensland Cowboys), and Dr Aubrey Patterson, Nobel Award Winning Physicist and Best Selling Author of “Quantum Theory for Dummy-halves.”

“Big Matty’s had a great year,” Thurston said. “I couldna done it without him. And as for Doc Aub, he’s a great club man and has really helped the guys with some of their Lagrangian calculations. Greenie is really big on that.”

In typical rousing fashion, Thurston had the crowd at the Cairns Entertainment Centre in the palm of his hand. “I want to be the man for all of youse,” he declared. “Whether youse a dummy-half or a full-back. Whether youse a Broncos or Cowboys supporter. I’m the fnqoty for the people.”

At the end of the ceremony, as he always does, Thurston threw his crown to the crowd where it was caught by an ecstatic young fan.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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