Hardware helper performs Heimlich heroics

Bunnings worker and Far North Queensland Hardware Workers Union spokesman Stanley Briggs has been praised by emergency services for his quick response to a sausage emergency at the Smithfield store today.

Briggs rushed to the aid of an unnamed teenager who was alleged to be choking on a cheese kranski. “It’s nothing special. The training kicked in. I’m just glad it ended well, ” said Briggs. “We’ve been warning management that this type of thing could happen. It’s downright dangerous.”

Bunnings have had a longstanding tradition of running sausage sizzles on weekends and public holidays and this has caused some friction with workers. “There’s issues with hygiene and safety with all the onions and sauce on the floor near the power tools. And since they’ve allowed the sale of bratwurst and chorizos we’ve had real concerns that someone is going to die on our watch. People in these parts just aren’t ready for these challenging sausages,” declared Briggs.

The assistant manager of Bunnings Smithfield, Pat Doomadgee, accused Mr Briggs of grandstanding. “Look, Stan patted some kid on the back and gave him a drink of fanta because the hotdog was a bit spicy,” Mrs Doomadgee said. “Calling the ambulance was way over the top. This is typical union tactics… conflating imaginary food safety issues with wage hikes. Before you know it, everyone ends up losing – workers, employers and especially sausage lovers.”

Wage talks continue between Bunnings and the FNQHWU. The matter is likely to be arbitrated at the Portsmith Industrial Commission next week. More to follow.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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