I had a dream: Bernardi to form new party

SPECIAL REPORT: Emerson Bracewell in Canberra

The Plain Dealer’s Canberra insider, Emerson Bracewell, has reported on his recent conversation with Senator Cory Bernardi (pictured) in which Mr Bernardi has indicated his intention to form a new political party. 

“I’ve been good mates with Berns since the ‘Conservative Revolution’ days, ” declared Bracewell. “We’d often catch up for a few jars at the Unley RSL. Anyway, Berns was a bit down last year over the shithouse way Malcolm is running things but has really perked up since he got back from the states.”

Bernardi had been stateside during the latter part of the US presidential election and it was on inauguration day, according to Bracewell, that Bernardi had an epiphany that came in the form of a dream.

Bracewell reports that, in the dream, Christopher Pyne’s labrador Moses was getting married to Michaelia Cash’s cat Henrietta. Prime Minister Turnbull was officiating.

“It was quite a traditional church wedding, apparently,” related Bracewell. Berns said the bride was all in white and her pelt was spectacular. Moses was in a velvet tux. But just as they were being announced as dog and wife, the church was hit by lightning and the whole fucking thing burned down. Then his alarm went off and Berns got up to watch the Donald and the record crowds in Washington.

It has been reported that Bernardi has taken the content of this dream to be a clear message from the almighty that he needs to make a stand against “leftist, global-warming, Islamist, dog-cat-transsexual bullshit”. It is likely that the new political party will be formed later this week and will be named the Bernardi Hetero-Missionary Alliance.

In related news, there have been reports that Christopher Pyne has settled out of court with Mr Barry Prince of Glenelg North over an alleged defecation incident involving Pyne’s dog Moses and a yellow wheelie bin.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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