Christians heckle at abortion march

By Kimberley Schloss A group of protesters conducted a legal street-march through Cairns on Saturday calling for the decriminalisation of abortion. Members of the Woman’s Choice Alliance, the Far North Queensland Gynaecological Society and the Freshwater Swingers were all present. Numbers were slightly down because a contingent of stirrers from the Smithfield Sceptics and AtheistsContinue reading “Christians heckle at abortion march”

WBU academics claim to have a cure for GAS

By Paolo Zupp William Bligh University academics have announced that they have developed a treatment for the insidious syndrome that has dogged musicians since the dawn of rock ‘n roll. GAS – Guitar Acquisition Syndrome (more recently generalised to Gear Acquisition Syndrome and also known as Perceived Guitar Personality Disorder) is the debilitating condition inContinue reading “WBU academics claim to have a cure for GAS”

February 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love Superintendent of Passion looking for IC5 Female in mid-twenties for false-arrest roleplay and outings, maybe more. Send picture of drivers licence and phone number to rr@police.gov.nq. Perky nursing Student, 21, looking for flabby diabetic man with high pain threshold, for wine, dance and injection practice. Must have own insulin. 0016625751. Thrice heartbrokenContinue reading “February 2017 Classifieds”

Bowen sidesteps thru Homeland Security

By Destiny Givens On arrival in Dallas Fort Worth International Airport today, three-time FNQOTY Matty Bowen (above) was taken aside by immigration officials and grilled over his religious and political views. “Luckily I speak a bit of Arabic, so I was able to convince Akmed and Corey that I have no Islamist tendencies,” said Bowen.Continue reading “Bowen sidesteps thru Homeland Security”

Mexican millinery for the munchkins

By Heather Luck The second week of school has begun in Cairns, and the sombrero amnesty period is over, with the head-wear compulsorily required from today for primary school students. Denzel Matterson (above), year-two student at Mother of Good Counsel, loves his new look. “I think I look really cool,” said Denzel. “It is aContinue reading “Mexican millinery for the munchkins”

Psychics thwart expo-crashing skeptics

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Rather than a clash of the big forwards, it was a clash between the skeptical and the spiritual at Brother’s Leagues Club in Manunda on Saturday morning. The club is the venue for the biennial Psychic Expo, which attracts mystics from around the globe and is always a hotly anticipated event inContinue reading “Psychics thwart expo-crashing skeptics”

City Council goes the biff

By Murray Murchison There were chaotic scenes at Cairns Council chambers today as Councillors and staffers reacted adversely to  what they view as an increasingly erratic policy agenda being pushed by Mayor Bob Manning. The trouble began in the monthly meeting of the Cultural Services Committee, in which a motion was passed to require allContinue reading “City Council goes the biff”

Badenhoorst propounds theory on Dunk-Boof falling out

By Paolo Zupp Hezzie ‘No Balls’ Badenhoorst (above), the TBPD’s insider in the murky world of professional cricket, has propounded a theory as to why Ben ‘The Innisfail Show’ Dunk has not been picked in the touring party to India. Badenhoorst, now retired in Mossman, has had many roles within the game of cricket, mostContinue reading “Badenhoorst propounds theory on Dunk-Boof falling out”

HipMoi Peace Prize awarded to Coen Hess

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The glitterati and twitterati were dressed up to the nines last night for the presentation of the Lions Club HipMoi Peace Prize to lumbering workaday prop-forward Coen Hess (above). The lavish evening has heralded the start of the Far North Queensland awards season, which will culminate with the FNQ Academy Awards in┬áthreeContinue reading “HipMoi Peace Prize awarded to Coen Hess”

Industry expert opposes import of medical marijuana

By Allan Povah Mr Murray ‘Jane’ Simmonds (above), spokesman for the Mareeba Jay Keef Collective, the peak body for marijuana dealers in FNQ, has spoken out against the government’s plan to legalise the import of medicinal marijuana. “Those southern fuckers are fucking crazy,” he declared. “If some soccer-milf up here needs some lettuce cos theirContinue reading “Industry expert opposes import of medical marijuana”