Condoms for Canines

By Shirley Higgins-Croft

The recent relationship between Mexico and FNQ has been rocky. Police are still investigating who was responsible for placing several FlexMonterrey electronic listening devices which were discovered in council chambers in November 2016. Additionally, Opposition Councillors have alleged that there is at least one Mexican mole embedded at a high level in FNQ government and probably another that is playing for reserve grade for the Cowboys.

Against this tense backdrop, a delegation from Mexico, headed by Hilario Ramírez Villanueva, has engaged in a series of bilateral trade and cultural talks. Cairns mayor, Bob Manning, has reported that the discussions were cordial and productive.

“Look, the Lubricanos have been prickly customers in the past,” explained Mr Manning. “And they might have hidden some bugs behind the urinal in the council toy-toy. But all that’s behind us. We’ve made quite a few break-throughs this week and some great resolutions will eventuate – mark my words.”

Whilst official sources have not confirmed the content of any agreements reached, there has been speculation that there will be a wildlife transfer program involving jaguars and crocodiles.

Additional unconfirmed reports indicate that local animal control agencies may be afforded access to advanced Mexican canine contraceptive technology.

When contacted for comment, Departmental Commissioner for Dog-Catching and Cat-Herding, Desmond Bowe, was cautiously optimistic. “We’ve got a massive stray dog problem down the Valley,” he said. “You can’t go outside in White Rock and Edmonton without a stick and some schmackos in hand. The Mexicans have some great dog-condoms and their puppy-pill is world class. If the DDCCH can slow down the birthrate we might be able to start winning the war.”

Mr Bowe was noncommittal as to how the contraceptive  technology will be used in the field. “We’ll probably mash some pills up and mix them into the storm-water along Mulgrave road,” he said. “But condom deployment, that’s clearly a federal responsibility,” he said.

Animal rights groups were contacted but declined to comment.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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