HipMoi to close due northerly winds of unhipness

By Allan Povah

The HipMoi Corporation have announced that they will be closing the doors on their Cairns offices in Abbot Street by the end of March. This will mean the loss from the Far North Queensland area of some ambient hipness and around seven jobs .

According to acting HipMoi Regional Manager Rhys Staniwell-Harrison the closure is due to a “recalibration” by the cutting-edge fashion, wagering and foodstuff company.

“The bottom has fallen out of our marketing model in the region,” claimed Mr Staniwell-Harrison. “The beards are coming off and the kale is on the nose. Suddenly primary colours are in and you can’t get a cold-drip coffee anywhere.” The ‘Hipster Moi’ clothing and fragrance line will be continue to be available at Myer in Cairns Central, but all consultative grooming and foreplay-visualization services will cease.

Cairns Mayor Bob Manning was upbeat about the development. “We’ll be sad to see them go,” he said. “They were cool dudes. Good card players. But their particular kind of preening wankery never really worked up here. I imagine most of the affected staff will be able to get work in real estate or in a coffee-shop somewhere.”

Billionaire founder and face of HipMoi, Anton Anders (above), is a regular participant in the Cairns Triathlon. The philanthropist, adventurer and self described root-master has indicated his intention of participating in 2017.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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