James Cook returns to FNQ, and this time he’s fabulous

By Heather Luck You might not believe your eyes, but don’t be surprised if you happen to see Captain James Cook flouncing around the streets of Cairns over the next few months. And he’s not Nazi-saluting the Tradies Bar! Healthcare worker and fashion blogger, Jamie Tingley, 28, of Brinsmead (above), has announced that he intendsContinue reading “James Cook returns to FNQ, and this time he’s fabulous”

March 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love Hirsute Argentinian helicopter pilot in late 40s with drinking problem and misogyny issues seeks a Spanish-speaking supermodel with grassy patch (landing strip pref) and navigable overhanging obstacles. No Brazilians. @argie_chopper_juan Freshwater Woman seeks Ryan Gosling lookalike with a sporting outlook to perform a range of personal duties. No tatts, no four-packs, noContinue reading “March 2017 Classifieds”

Greeny hoses down egging controversy

By Destiny Givens North Queensland Cowboys coach, Paul Green, (above) has responded to allegations that there is an endemic egging problem with the team, and it is affecting performance. This follows reports that team-members Jake Granville and Kalyn Ponga were questioned by police at the Gold Coast overnight over some alleged ‘googee-chucking’. “There was nothingContinue reading “Greeny hoses down egging controversy”

Blue Lagoon remake to be filmed on Trinity Beach

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Trinity Beach residents are excited by the news that a reboot of the 1980 classic film, Blue Lagoon, will be filmed at the southern end of the pretty tropical cove. The news came out during an after-party at Fusion wine-bar on Friday Night. Visionary director of World Safari and World Safari 6,Continue reading “Blue Lagoon remake to be filmed on Trinity Beach”

A conversation with Sir Geoff Huegill

Part of the Conversations Series, with Shirley Higgins-Croft Sir Geoff Huegill, Olympian, motivational speaker and lately Ambassador to North Korea, has been recalled by PM Val Shier due to the rising nuclear threat from the ridiculous little totalitarian dictatorship. He arrived in the country this morning and spoke with Shirley Higgins-Croft at the Skybury coffee-shopContinue reading “A conversation with Sir Geoff Huegill”

Crisis Talks at the CowHouse

By Destiny Givens Crisis talks were held today at Cowboys House to discuss the deplorable performance against the LottoLand Sea Eagles last night. The session was organised and chaired by club legend Brent Tate. Having been on agistment last week at The Smiles while the Cowboys trained around him, Tate detected some misalignment in theContinue reading “Crisis Talks at the CowHouse”

The stars come to town for the Steves

By Kimberley Schloss It was a night for the illiterati and the frittatarati at Cairns Reef Casino last night as the fourth annual North Queensland Academy Awards were presented. Host, Karl Stefanovic opened the evening with an hilarious monologue lampooning everyone from David Koch to Sam Armytage. Later, Karl showed that he really is theContinue reading “The stars come to town for the Steves”

Malanda TAFE hopin’ for business

By Allan Povah The Malanda TAFE has announced that it is reopening next week and a whole new range of certificate and diploma courses are being offered for the second trimester of 2017. The new courses have been generated based on a social media analysis of modern lifestyle and workplace trends. In addition to theContinue reading “Malanda TAFE hopin’ for business”

Val Shier to play chihuahua in Mexican blockbuster

By Murray Murchison At  a press conference this morning at the Brickhouse, it was announced that PM Val Shier, was on her way to Mexico for pre-production in the upcoming Mexican cinema blockbuster ‘Soy lindo pero mi mierda es apestoso.’ Shier’s likeness is to be used in modelling the diminutive hero Prudenciana el Chihuahua (above). The highlyContinue reading “Val Shier to play chihuahua in Mexican blockbuster”

Police bungle: Lowe tackled at the CowHouse, caught in possession.

By Heather Luck Star Cowboys forward, Ethan Lowe (above), has made light of his false arrest by Townsville police that led to him being held for six hours in the drug-tank of the Walker St watch-house this morning. Police allege that Lowe was arrested at 2am in the grounds of Cowboys House during a routineContinue reading “Police bungle: Lowe tackled at the CowHouse, caught in possession.”