Cowboys prepare to go back-to-back!

By Destiny Givens

With one sleep to go until the season launch, the Cowboys backroom staff have everything under control in preparation for the opening match against the Canberra Raiders.

“We’re looking at going back-to-back in twenty-seventeen^”, enthused Chef de Mission at 1300SMILES Stadium, Bob Bliss (above). “The whole team has been working hard for weeks getting ready, and no battleship has been left unfloated.”

Mr Bliss outlined some of the detail that was required to put on a big-time entertainment event involving rugby league players and their molls. “They’ve all got pretty specific riders,” explained Mr Bliss. “We’ve got a database set up. Off the top of my head, Josh Pappalii wants two family sized Dominos Meat-Lovers with anchovies at half time, and a crate of Somersby after the game. Coen Hess will only drink glühwein.”

Mr Bliss’s responsibilities are wide-ranging. This morning he was filmed swimming off the esplanade unsuccessfully trying to catch an errant croc that had been lurking in the area. Cowboys management have assured stakeholders that the problem will be resolved and if required will engage the services of Cairns crocodile expert, Red Robbins.

“We don’t want any gnashing of teeth if Rabs Warren takes a skinny dip after a few pernods like he did last year,” explained Bliss. “Actually we’ve had to set up a special unit to manage the talking-heads,” he added. “Gus Gould is staying at Jupiters and requiring a bath of Veuve Clicqot drawn by two unmarried Filipino ladies. Those are hard to find – the pretty ones are snapped up by the Hooahs up here. Brent Tate is recovering from a neck operation in Cairns, so he needs extra hay put in his stables. And Joey-Johns just wants a teener of frosty, a dozen scooby-snacks and an unmade bed. Actually, just in case Joey needs to take a quip kip at Townsville airport on the way out, we’ve set up a hammock for him in the departures area. Anything for an immortal.”

Joey’s sleeping arrangements at Townsville Airport

The Cowboys, led by FNQOTY Jonathan Thurston are expected to completely smash the Raiders tomorrow night.

^According to the 2016 yearbook, the NQRL doesn’t recognise the title won by Cronulla last year as it was tainted by “Sydney peptides and Gallen bullshit”.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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