Blue Lagoon remake to be filmed on Trinity Beach

By Shirley Higgins-Croft

Trinity Beach residents are excited by the news that a reboot of the 1980 classic film, Blue Lagoon, will be filmed at the southern end of the pretty tropical cove.

The news came out during an after-party at Fusion wine-bar on Friday Night. Visionary director of World Safari and World Safari 6, Alby Mangels, was celebrating with Judy Green, Ivanka Trump and Coen Hess after winning a swag of Steves at the North Queensland Academy Awards. Several party-goers reported that, after consuming several serves of strawberry haloumi and a skinful of tequila, Mr Mangles clambered onto a table to make an unannounced announcement.

“Alby just cleared a table off and jumped aboard,” reported colourist Deila Kidd of Freshwater. “He looked a bit red-cheeked and emotional, but who wouldn’t after picking up all those Steves? Amongst some other bullshit about Mexican cinema, he let slip that he’s finalising plans to film ‘Grey Lagoon’ up at TB later in the year.”

This morning, Mangels spoke to the Plain Dealer from his offices in Murray Bridge and confirmed the news.

“Yes, it’s not supposed to be public knowledge yet but it’s all true. We start a ten week shoot on Grey Lagoon at Trinity in August. Don’t tell IMDB.”

According to Mangels, proper respect is being paid to the source material. “My vision as director is to have the spirit of the original, but probably a bit less cerebral”, he said. “We’re going to dial down the incest a fraction – we’re thinking about going with a boy and twin step-sisters rather than a bro and sis. We’ll have a shitload more nudity and S&M. And lots of crocs. People expect that. Awesome.”

Whilst Justin Bieber has committed to play the part of Richard, Mangels is yet to cast the critical role of Emmeline, played in the original film by Brooke Shields.

“We need to have an actor who is willing to get her kit off and who can cope with some hands-on direction,” explained Mangels. “So Hermione is probably out of the question. We’re in talks with Catniss and Bella but we might cast an unknown. Or, if we go with the twin-stepsister idea we might lock-in the Cruel Intentions 2 babes. Golden.”

Mangels was definite on who he preferred for the Leo McKern role. “When you’re casting a bearded, drunken, pervy fucker you can’t go past Mel Gibson these days”, Mangels said. “We’re paying homage to Hans Gruber in the screenplay so that everyone will cheer like fuck when Mel falls off the palm tree, breaks a leg, gets rogered by a croc and dies a horrible death. Sweet.”

Local businesses at Trinity Beach are thrilled with the influx of tourists and rubberneckers that will eventuate as a result of this project. It is expected that Lunico will provide catering services and the cast and crew would be put up at the Royden Apartments.

The vital position of croc-wrangler will be hotly contested, with Red Robbins appearing to be the obvious choice. But, in an unexpected twist, Mr Robbins has indicated he has no interest in being involved. “Alby owes me fifteen thousand dollars, a slab of Great Northern, and a co-writing credit for WS1,” Red claimed this evening from his drinking stool at the McAllisters Brewery. “And he cut my grass and stole my dog. I won’t work with a grass-cutting dog-thief plagiarist like him. Judy’s welcome back though.”

Ms Green was unavailable for comment.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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