Greeny hoses down egging controversy

By Destiny Givens

North Queensland Cowboys coach, Paul Green, (above) has responded to allegations that there is an endemic egging problem with the team, and it is affecting performance. This follows reports that team-members Jake Granville and Kalyn Ponga were questioned by police at the Gold Coast overnight over some alleged ‘googee-chucking’.

“There was nothing in it,” claimed Green from the CowHouse this morning. “Kalyn was showing a few of the boys some of his schoolies haunts. They ran into Jay-t-LoLo who is down here on suspension holidays. Apparently, he was just coming out of the Cavill Mall Seven Eleven with a dozen eggs and a slab of picnic bacon for his brekkie. Anyway, the boys offered to help to carry the eggs, there was a surfeit of politeness which led to a bit of confusion over the allocation and in the ensuing negotiation a couple of stretch-limos got yolked. Theo’s Kebab Shop was hardly even affected.”

Footage has appeared on social media of a red-faced Coach Green, equipped with a massive fire-hose, cleaning the entrance of The Drink nightclub on Orchid Avenue.

“The boys know I’ve got their back,” explained Green. “They gave me a call and explained what happened and I got some Firie friends of mine to provide the necessary equipment. Cleaned up like new. The real mystery is what happened to the bacon.”

Green has emphasized that this event bears “no similarity” to a similar incident in 2015 that saw five players serve lengthy jail sentences.

The Cowboys destroyed the pitiful Titans last night and will host a depleted South Sydney at The Smiles next weekend.

CORRECTION: In an earlier version of this story, Ethan Lowe was identified as being a party to the alleged yolking. Lowe’s agent has advised that Lowe was meeting some of his side-hustle contacts at Club Liv at the time and was nowhere near the scene of the incident.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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