PM recalls ambassador to North Korea

By Murray Murchison Prime Minister Val Shier has made her strongest condemnation yet against the increasingly disturbing nuclear threat posed by North Korea. The tinpot, madcap, creepy little nation has long been a very good friend of North Queensland, but their recent technical advances in missile capability have cooled relations markedly. The North Korean KN-14Continue reading “PM recalls ambassador to North Korea”

Hijabi wins chocolate sculpting competition

By Heather Luck The fourth annual Mareeba Chocolate Sculpture competition was staged this weekend, attracting visitors from all over the world to the picturesque tableland township The competition winner, ‘Little Sister and Big Bull’ (pictured above in the Centrelink car-park on Byrnes Street) was praised by the judges for its breathtaking scope and attention toContinue reading “Hijabi wins chocolate sculpting competition”

Cowboys scratching around for bond money

By Kimberley Schloss A joint press conference was held at 1300SMILES Stadium today to formally open ‘Cowboys House’, a four hundred million dollar residential, gaming and dog-racing development. The Cowboys, NRL, North Queensland Government, and Australian Government have jointly funded the ambitious project. Constructed in the shape of a prostate spheroid, the 122 room complexContinue reading “Cowboys scratching around for bond money”

Greg Hunt picks up some shit

By Allan Povah Officially designated ‘Best Minister in the World’, Greg Hunt, has travelled to North Queensland to talk with local officials about indigenous health outcomes, regional clinical service delivery, and to take some bullshit back to Canberra. While enroute to the Atherton Hostpital, the entourage stopped to allow Hunt’s biographer to take a fewContinue reading “Greg Hunt picks up some shit”

Ben Lee avoids the wacky stuff

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Sir Ben Lee is cock-a-hoop over the release of his brand new album ‘Songs about Islam for the whole family’. The indie rocker has come a long way from his folk-rock roots, such as “We’re all in this together” and Claire Danes. Sir Ben, who was raised in the Jewish faith, wantedContinue reading “Ben Lee avoids the wacky stuff”

Schilling calls for secession

By Allan Povah Cairns Regional Council Divison 2 representative John ‘Two-Bob’ Schilling has called for Far North Queensland to secede from North Queensland. “It is increasing difficult to reconcile our cultural differences with those jokers in The Ville,” declared Schilling yesterday at a peanut-industry conference in Walkamin. “We’re all about the ‘fair go’ and theContinue reading “Schilling calls for secession”

Cowboys prepare to go back-to-back!

By Destiny Givens With one sleep to go until the season launch, the Cowboys backroom staff have everything under control in preparation for the opening match against the Canberra Raiders. “We’re looking at going back-to-back in twenty-seventeen^”, enthused Chef de Mission at 1300SMILES Stadium, Bob Bliss (above). “The whole team has been working hard forContinue reading “Cowboys prepare to go back-to-back!”

Beyonce wins tickets to see Adele in concert

By Destiny Givens Young BeyoncĂ© Phelan, 9, of Machans Beach (pictured above with her brother Usher) is the proud winner of the Plain Dealer’s ‘Big-A’ competition and will travel to see superstar Adele in concert in Townsville on Sunday. The Plain Dealer received over fifteen thousand entries for the competition, which required entrants to provideContinue reading “Beyonce wins tickets to see Adele in concert”

Elton to visit Peter the Peanut

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Whilst all far north Queenslanders are abuzz with the news that Elton John will be visiting the area for a series of concerts later this year, two Walkamin residents have a special reason to be excited. This is despite the fact that Elton’s voice has gone to shit. Ian and Karen Delaney,Continue reading “Elton to visit Peter the Peanut”