May 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love To the petite blonde cutie at the Kurban concert. You look like Luna Lovegood and you are casting spells on my heart. Want to listen to Charlie Rich under a harvest moon sipping Jack? @kiwiShyBoyRubin To the Blue-Haired One-Eyed Girl on the Alliance de Francais poster. I love you. You are perfect.Continue reading “May 2017 Classifieds”

Shier awarded Congressional Medal of Honor

By Murray Murchison North Queensland Prime Minister, Val Shier, has flown to Washington for a state visit with US President Donald Trump Ms Shier has taken time out from filming ‘Soy Lindo Pero Mi Mierda Es Apestoso‘ in Mexico City, in which her body and personality is being used for 4D imprinting of the main character, Prudenciana elContinue reading “Shier awarded Congressional Medal of Honor”

Electric-blue lemurs arrive at Hartley’s Creek

By Heather Luck Hartley’s Crocodile Adventure Park has some exciting new residents. A prowl of jaguars has been shipped from Mexico as part of the CrocJag wildlife exchange, and a jolt of electric ants has just arrived up the highway from Smithfield. Most exciting of all, the park has acquired a mating pair of blue-eyedContinue reading “Electric-blue lemurs arrive at Hartley’s Creek”

The beer that ended a civilisation

By Paolo Zupp A team of scientists from William Bligh University (WBU), in conjunction with Mexico City’s Autonomous Metropolitan University (UAM), have successfully brewed a version of the pre-Hispanic corn beer that was favoured by the Aztec civilisation. It has been postulated by historians that the extreme predilection of Aztecs for Quetzalcoatl Bitter, as itContinue reading “The beer that ended a civilisation”

Spirited discussions at the Tanks

By Murray Murchison The Lions Club of Cairns hosted a spirited debate yesterday between prominent members of the sceptical and faith communities. A crowd of around sixty-six were at the Tanks Art centre for the event and were treated to an entertaining romp through all things spiritual, hippological, and scatological. The topic of the debate,Continue reading “Spirited discussions at the Tanks”

Dengue scare at Cowboys

By Destiny Givens A dengue fever scare has ripped through Cowboys headquarters, with pundits suggesting that the illness might be to blame for the disappointing loss this week against the druggish Sharks. Matt Scott, who is on long-service leave this season, has recently returned from a visit to Mexico for cosmetic surgery. Since his return.Continue reading “Dengue scare at Cowboys”

Never smile at a hijabi: Rob the Croc stares down Islamism

By Allan Povah Central Queensland celebrity croc, ‘Rob the Croc’ (pictured above) has taken up a career development opportunity in a water leisure park in Turkey. It is unclear as to what transfer fee was involved in prising the venerable reptile from his tenured position at the Koorana Crocodile Farm in Rockhampton, but it is thoughtContinue reading “Never smile at a hijabi: Rob the Croc stares down Islamism”

French fanciers flock to film festival

By Heather Luck Thousands of francophiles and philofrancs have turned out to the annual French Film Festival at the Contemporary Arts Centre on Abbot St in Cairns and staged by the Alliance Française de Cairns. The fully sold-out event has always been popular with North Queenslanders. The culture of clinking wine-glasses and talking loudly in obnoxiously GallicContinue reading “French fanciers flock to film festival”

Tributes flow for the ‘Kewarra Thirteen’

By Shirley Higgins-Croft: Journalist. Wife. Dog-Mother As a dog-lover myself, it is hard to report on the events at Smithfield yesterday, so please forgive any sentimentality. It was a heartbreakingly sombre scene at the YAPS ballroom and conference centre. Some three thousand grieving dogs and their carers attended a memorial service to pay tribute to their thirteen fallen friends.Continue reading “Tributes flow for the ‘Kewarra Thirteen’”

Gator cop talks to croc cop

By Paolo Zupp Gus LeCras, a member of the crack Bayou Gator Response Team in Louisiana has today paid a visit to the Northern Beaches Bureau of the North Queensland Crocodile Commission in Holloways Beach. Officer LeCras, who is holidaying in Cairns, decided to drop in to meet some of his counterparts and he quicklyContinue reading “Gator cop talks to croc cop”