Welcome, Mary Jane?

By Paolo Zupp With the recent legalisation of medical marijuana usage, North Queensland pharmacists and other allied health service providers are struggling to find a way to provide their clients with the best possible care. Josh Brendixsen, a pharmacist at Amcal Chemist Smithfield, explained the obstacles. “We’ve been unable to source the prescribed medication fromContinue reading “Welcome, Mary Jane?”

Let’s twist again, like we did last summer!

By Kimberley Schloss Gilligans Resort and Spa have announced that resident Twister-in-the-Buff athletes, Ginger Grant, MaryAnne Summers and Wentworth ‘Lovey’ Howell (left to right above) will be participating in some exhibition matches at the venue over the next fortnight. Earlier in the year, the three Americans won the extremely technical triples division in the Rotary Gilligan’s Invitational,Continue reading “Let’s twist again, like we did last summer!”

Restaurateur responds to accusations of shit service

By Kimberley Schloss Having to rely on an itinerant workforce of dubious talent, and questionable hygiene, Cairns restaurants have earned the unwelcome reputation amongst  locals of “good food, shit service.” Instead of being offended by the this norm, restaurateur, Lucinda Ng (above), has developed the idea that she can provide both shit food and shit service. Her new caféContinue reading “Restaurateur responds to accusations of shit service”

June 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love Semi-dedicated jihadist looking for sympathetic but modest woman for pre-virgin practice, short-term opportunity pre-boom. Hijabi preferred or Swedish. @moBoom  To the skate-babe wearing rags who boarded past the Dumpling Studio on Sheridan on Sunday evening. You’re cool and super-hot. Meet me at the TB skate park any arvo. I’ll show you myContinue reading “June 2017 Classifieds”

One-armed JT smashes Blues’ dreams, Kevvie tactics inscrutable

By Destiny Givens The Queensland Maroons prevailed 18-16 last night in Sydney to square up the 2017 Origin series. The decider will be played in three weeks in Brisbane. Jonathan Thurston (above), who was playing at some disadvantage due to the precautionary removal of his left arm at half time, was able to pot theContinue reading “One-armed JT smashes Blues’ dreams, Kevvie tactics inscrutable”

Fashion Week trends: bespoke, hijabis and cabbies!

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The 2017 North Queensland Fashion Week has launched with a glittering ceremony at Edge Hill Bowls Club, hosted by Karl Stefanovic, and with music by Steven Tin Tin Duffy. The opening night showcase collection, FlamBOIance by Hipster Moi (above) received a warm response from the audience, which contained a who’s-who of North Queensland fashionContinue reading “Fashion Week trends: bespoke, hijabis and cabbies!”

Aussies put the touch on Hutt, NQ won’t stand for it

By Murray Murchison The Royal Family of Hutt River Province (HRP) have been ordered to pay a total of around three million Australian dollars in back payments to the Australian Tax Office. Mayor of Mareeba, ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore has travelled to Parliament House in Townsville to express his disgust at the decision. He was recognisedContinue reading “Aussies put the touch on Hutt, NQ won’t stand for it”

Muxes of Mareeba announce dating workshops

By Heather Luck Tablelands Community group, the Muxes of Mareeba (MoM), have announced a series of dating workshops for men, aimed to help lonely and isolated men attain the skills that will enable them snare their perfect love match. The Muxes, who are a popular part of the vibrant Mexican community on the Tablelands, areContinue reading “Muxes of Mareeba announce dating workshops”

Successful launch from Tolga, next stop: Mercury

By Allan Povah As the Tolga spaceport nears completion, an ambitious program of testing has commenced, starting with the launch last night of the aptly named Tropic Thorpie 1 rocket. The 300 metre long triple-tempered carbon-fibre rocket, which was 3D printed by Kwik Copy on Lake Street in Cairns, was trucked up the Gillies HighwayContinue reading “Successful launch from Tolga, next stop: Mercury”

Sikhs are the most popular Tinder partners, Jihadists in with a chance

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Academics at the William Bligh University Faculty of Comportment have released the results of a survey of young women aimed at determining community attitudes in dating standards. In the survey, eighty-one thousand young women, aged between eighteen and nineteen-and-a-half, were presented with a Tinder image of a slightly-swarthy but objectively good looking youngContinue reading “Sikhs are the most popular Tinder partners, Jihadists in with a chance”