Cassowary steals cookie

By Kimberley Schloss

Police are seeking witnesses who may have been in the vicinity of the Subway outlet at North Cairns (above) last night for help in their investigations into a feathery flock of sandwich thieves who have been operating in the area.

It has been alleged by part-time sandwich artist Tea Gundersen, 19, of Mooroobool, that two white swans, accompanied by a large cassowary, entered the premises at around 11pm. While the cassowary looked on threateningly, the swans ordered two foot-long subs on Italian bread. When asked if they wanted their subs “fresh or toasted”, one of the swans is alleged to have answered “both.” Subsequently, the three birds have reportedly left the premises without paying for their meals.

Ms Gundersen was quite shaken by the ordeal. “I was dead scared of getting spurred,” she said. “That cassowary was a mean fucker. He took a cookie.”

Investigating officer at Cairns Police, Senior Constable Eamon Lewis has already made headway on the case. “Based on their smartarse responses and apparent opposable wing dexterity, we are working on the theory that the alleged miscreants may not be birds at all,” Lewis said today. “We believe this crime may be related to a costume theft at the Rondo and other recent malfeasance involving bird and bird-like activity.”

Based on a CCTV footage, police artists have produced sketches of the birds (above). Police have urged anyone who sees the alleged birds, or knows of their whereabouts, to consider them armed and dangerous and to contact CrimeStoppers immediately on 40501452 or on Twitter @plodEamon.

In addition, Senior Constable Lewis would like to urgently meet with a blonde full-chested woman, possibly Scandinavian, height around 157cm, wearing a tight bluish tank-top and denim shorts, who was observed on CCTV in the store at around 5pm that afternoon. It is believed that she may be able to help with some urgent inquiries.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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