Sikhs are the most popular Tinder partners, Jihadists in with a chance

By Shirley Higgins-Croft

Academics at the William Bligh University Faculty of Comportment have released the results of a survey of young women aimed at determining community attitudes in dating standards.

In the survey, eighty-one thousand young women, aged between eighteen and nineteen-and-a-half, were presented with a Tinder image of a slightly-swarthy but objectively good looking young man, and given fictional information about him, such as religion or marital status.

The candidates were asked to swipe right or left depending on whether they would consider sleeping with the man based on the information given. Selected results are displayed in the histogram below.

The results surprised WBU academic Professor Helen Wockner. “We did not expect that Sikh footballers would be so popular,” she said. “And Jihadists did rather better on the romance than we thought. We’re still crunching the numbers on the control group, but it’s looking like this study will greatly inform public policy, especially in the security and taxi industries.”

Kayliaa Butterworth, 18, of Mooroobool, did not participate in the survey but was able to shed some light onto the results. “Those Sikhs are classy guys, and they’re always driving a sick Prius,” she said. “They’re hung like a Punjabi elephant too. I’ve heard. No personal experience on that, but plenty of my mates have tried the Beef Makhani. And you know the Sikhs won’t hang around afterwards – they’re always about to fuck off back to Amritsar once the 457 runs out coz they’ve all got a fiancée there.”

Ms Butterworth also had some ideas on the other results. “Look, I’d root a Jihadist just for the thrill,” she said. “I like the bad boys. They’re motivated guys and I’d reckon they want to hone their skills on the growl so they can keep the 72 satisfied. Happy to help. They’re also not guys that will hang around too long. And as for the atheists, I mean, who’d want to fuck an atheist? They’ve got small dicks and no soul. And gamers? Barf!”

Jonas Humberstone, president of the Smithfield Atheist and Sceptic Association, was contacted for comment but he was unavailable due to “haircut issues, headiness (adjusting to the Paleo/Atkins), and critical bear taming duties on Far Cry Primal.”

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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