One-armed JT smashes Blues’ dreams, Kevvie tactics inscrutable

By Destiny Givens

The Queensland Maroons prevailed 18-16 last night in Sydney to square up the 2017 Origin series. The decider will be played in three weeks in Brisbane.

Jonathan Thurston (above), who was playing at some disadvantage due to the precautionary removal of his left arm at half time, was able to pot the miraculous winning goal.

It is unknown whether the five-time FNQOTY will be able to grow another arm in time for the decider, and he may well have played his last game in the maroon shirt. There are unconfirmed reports that several offers of a donor limb have been made.

Pioneering orthopedic surgeon at Cairns Base Hospital, Doctor Andrew Gillies, scoffed at the idea. “Clearly there’s the rejection issue,” he said. “It takes time for a clavicle to become properly trusting of a new neighbour. And, in only three weeks, JT will never be able to teach the new arm how to be an immortal. Unless Joey Johns is putting his hand up, I’d say the whole idea is a fucking waste of time.”

Boomtown Cowboys forward and HipMoi Peace Prize laureate Coen Hess, played an important role in the victory last night.

“My job was to keep Kevvie busy during team talks so that he didn’t interrupt Cameron,” explained Hess. “Turns out Kevbo likes a bit of Mah Jong, so I pulled out my traveller set and we played a couple of chukkas. The prevailing wind was north before we knew it and it was time for me to run on. Bad timing coz I’d just drawn a Red Dragon Kong. Sheiser.”

Hess will return to play with the Cowboys on Saturday against the untrustworthy Panthers.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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