By Allan Povah.
The Departmental Commissioner for Dog Catching and Cat Herding, Desmond Bowe, announced at a press conference today that the commission is seeking the public’s help with locating a Labrador-cross that has been the victim of a suspected dognap.
The dog’s owner, who wishes to remain anonymous, has offered a one million dollar reward for information that leads to the safe return of the animal.
The commissioner described the dog as “tan in colour, vivacious, and an accomplished, but nervous, shitter.” A photograph of the animal was distributed to the press (above) showing the animal allegedly shitting in the on-leash area of Trinity Beach. Authorities refused to confirm whether the photograph had been sent by the kidnapper as proof-of life.
“I will not comment on specifics of this crime, especially as regards evidence on which the commission may rely on in its possible prosecution,” Commissioner Bowe said. “This is a callous act. When it comes to searching for any sign of this animal, we will leave no stone unturned. Our agents will be instructed to use any reasonable and lawful method to sniff out the perpetrator of this crime, including lethal force if required.”
Whilst the identity of the animal is not known, there are unconfirmed rumours that it may be Mr Christopher Pyne’s labrador, Moses. Pyne, the Australian Minister for Defence Industry, is known to be in Cairns on a short vacation and was seen leaving Bar36 at Reef Casino in the early hours of this morning. Moses was not with him.
Anyone with information about the dog’s whereabouts should contact the DDCCH on 0750554376 or @dogcatbustersFNQ. Authorities advise the public not to approach or engage with the suspected kidnapper, and to keep their animals on-leash at all times in marked areas.