Manning to tackle Asian girls on bikes

By Shirley Higgins-Croft.

Cairns mayor, Bob Manning, returned today from a month long information-gathering visit to Tokyo and Hokkaido. Whilst there, he entered into bilateral talks with local dignitaries and triads in an effort to explore trade and tourism opportunities between Far North Queensland and Japan. He also served as official taster at the Belgian Beer Festival in Sapporo.

In a press conference at Council chambers today, he revealed that the hotly contested rights to the Okinawa-Mareeba air-route had been won by Peach Aviation, and daily services will begin in September.

Manning further announced that the Council would be putting measures in place to stem the disturbing injury toll of young Japanese tourists in the CBD.

The performance of the mostly female cyclists, or so-called ‘blithers’, who coast through intersections in the CBD, oblivious to their surroundings has caused concern in many quarters. In one horrific incident, five blithers were hospitalised when they sequentially careered into a stationary Amarok on Spence street.

“We are going to stop the carnage,” vowed Manning in a trademark display of bombast. “All bike-users will be subject to a safety briefing and competency check delivered in the sternest possible way. There will be no Hello Kitty knapsacks allowed. There will be no long stripy socks. The hire operators have to take responsibility here. And we will truck no amount of shonkiness. None!”

Spokesperson for the Cairns and Coral Coast Bicycle and Watersports Hirers Association, Mikellie Morseu, welcomed the initiative, but added that it was nothing new.

“We’ve been giving bilingual, outcome oriented, role-play intensive, shonk-free briefings to all our clients for years,” she explained. “Mr Manning’s suggestions are hardly best-practice, but we’ll whack a few yen per hire onto the price and way you go. The kang-gyarus will pay anything.”

Motorists are advised to be extra careful in the coming weeks, when an influx of blithers are expected to arrive to escape the interminable Tokushima Awa Odori festival.

In particular, Amarok drivers are asked to avoid the area in the vicinity of Aplin and Abbot streets as the combination of bat-sounds and the sight of Outback Jacks has proven to be particularly distracting.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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