Lucid Dreamers: The future is sparkly!

By Kimberley Schloss

The Koah Lucid Dreamers (KLD) have taken the rare step of announcing the findings from their annual think tank and dream conference, held last night at the Koah Roadhouse on the Savannah Way.

The practice of lucid dreaming is normally a personal experience that can result in lost items being found and intense liaisons with celebrities. The KLD have, by their own account, taken then technology to a different level.

They have identified several highly talented members, the so-called ‘superdreamers’ who, after performed a group yoga nidra followed by a nude team sleepover are able to dream into a future of intense clairvoyance.

KLD President, Professor Wayne Gombos, announced that the series of double-blind placebo controlled tests has produced some strong, and shocking conclusions.

Although Professor Gombos did not himself participate in the active superdreaming group at this year’s sessions due to a sleep apnoea problem that “affected everyone’s precision”, he was included in the control group who were required to apply amygdala bandages to facilitate production of a minority report.

“After some pretty intense cooperative dreaming, and after applying standard statistical corrections, our team have managed to report a future of peace and prosperity in the Far North,” he said. “We foresee that there will be freedom from hunger and liberation from tyranny. All witches-hats along the Kuranda road will be illuminated with LED technology.”

However, Professor Gombos was quick to add some caveats to the prophesies. “The future is not completely sparkly,” he declared. “I regret to say that there will be croc attacks and cyclones and ADD kiddies and motorcycle accidents and partial nuclear annihilation from North Korea. And Kalyn Ponga will become a champion for the Knights. We’re sure about that last one.”

In addition to the stunning news of the future, Gombos took the opportunity to announce a partnership between the KLD and the Barron Narcoleptics Association (BarNARC).

“We foresee some useful synergies through this partnership,” Mr Gombos said. “If we can make use of each others’ strengths the future will be brighter for everyone.”

The KLD’s next conference will be on 31st October this year. Professor Gombos has made assurances that anyone with a predisposition towards effective lucid dreaming will be located from within the semi-conscious realm and invited in person.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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