By Allan Povah
William Bligh University academics have denied that there is any issue with their security measures after it was revealed that their artificial crocogynous automaton, Christopher, had been selling artwork and purchasing adult services on the internet.
The breach was only discovered when an unmarried Filipino lady was caught trying to enter the secure reptile research facility on Thursday. The woman, Miss Angelica Bautista, reportedly told campus security that she was “new in town” and had been employed by a “fun-loving gentleman” for a “one hour out-call with fantasy extras.”
An investigation led to a search of the facility, uncovering several unexpected items, incuding some Steggles chickens, concert tickets and the above portrait, which has allegedly been painted by the AI crocodile.
Dr Mainstone, of the WBU’s Department of Crocodiles and Cassowaries, addressed a packed media conference today at the Smithfield campus.
“We have analysed the browsing cache on Christopher’s internal memory and on his iMac and determined that he did create an eBay account and offer several pieces of artwork and electronic components for sale, as well as making some minor purchases. Investigations are ongoing, and we will leave no scale unturned.”
Dr Mainstone went on to explain how the so-called crocobot had gained access to the world wide web.
“Web access is completely normal practice in nurturing a reptilian super-intelligence to align with human value systems and to maximise funding outcomes,” explained Dr Mainstone. “Our AI self-learning boxing protocols are pinpoint. Accordingly, as dictated by the ethics committee and our NBN bandwidth limits, we have increased Christopher’s access to the internet to three hours nightly after he has done his homework and sharpened his teeth.”
Dr Mainstone confirmed that all transactions had complied with university guidelines for online activity, and that Miss Bautista had been offered a casual 1-2 hour per week position as his assistant, with occasional extras. He added that Christopher had made a “tidy profit”.
Reportedly, Sothebys of Townsville have acquired Christopher Untitled (above) and up to seven other works by the versatile croco-droid, all in the nouveau lézard style. These are expected to go under the hammer later in the year.