September 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love

C++ specialist looking for nested sexual iterated routines. Intimate polymorphism and inheritibility would be an advantage. No Python or Java nuts. @jeremy_writes_code


Kim Jon Un lookalike/impersonators wanted for fake-porno poltical-zoo themed shoot. Must be comfortable with orange baboons, brown bears and pandas rockets. @pisstaker

Normalish looking LBTQI people wanted for positive marriage equality impression giving at meets and greets @ retirement homes. No piercings or tatts. @vote_yes

Super hot babe wanted for tandem semen extraction from hunky polymath journalist. Free-thinkers only. @jess_luvs_K

Looking for VW Amarok tyres or similar for delivery to Smithfield location. Pref bald. Will swap for hacking services. @chris_croc_esquire.

Wanted: Someone who knows someone who works at Nobu and may have cupboard keys. Totally above board. @jess_luvs_K

Supple Korean lady, preferably with weathergirl experience, wanted for language practice and knot optimisation. Must be prepared to sign NDA. Autocue proficiency well regarded. @paytay.

For Sale

Mint condition JT kicking tee with traces of turf. From 2015 Canberra game Feldt try conversion. Fully authenticated. $1200 ono. @cows_memories

Vintage Kanilea ukulele used by 2NE1 on their second mini album. Signed by CL, Bom and Minzy. $4500 firm price. Email or visit Reuben’s on Sheridan Street.


The Save Earl Hill Society will host meeting for interested parties atop the grand old lady on Saturday 7 October. Free Margaritas.

From Me to You

Hey, Atheists. You guys have no morality and evolution is bullshit. Look at the trees, ffs. Do an Alpha course and stop bothering Dawkins @deplorablepedro

Personal Services

Boring, awkward, balding twenty-something man looking for blokey salt-of-the-earth types for mateship practice and betting-app up-skilling. Must be across money-back options. @kevin_smith ph: 0740576125

Classifieds are published monthly. Maximum 50 words. Email to

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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