By Destiny Givens
In response to the Cowboy’s unexpected and spectacular progress to this years NRL Grand Final, the Cowboys organisation have released a revised official nicknames list.
Fans are encouraged to make use of officially sanctioned nicknames in their social media posts.
Chef de Mission at 1300 Smiles Stadium, Bob Bliss, explained to the Plain Dealer the rationale behind the nickname policy.
“We at the Cowboys recognise the hurt and emotional pain that can be caused by misdirected sledges on social media,” he said today. “So we want the bouquets to complete all their sets, and the brickbats to score in the right corner. We’ve added a few names that have evolved during the year, and also included a catchall nickname for those Blensoms that no one knows the name of.”
When asked for a prediction on the match, Bliss was cagey. “I don’t to give too much away,” he said, “but Greeny has an elaborate plan that involves a balded gentleman being stretchered off in the first five minutes. Go the boys!”
The fully ratified nickname list is as follows:
- John Asiata: Jonno, Ass-man, Mr Football.
- Scott Bolton: Bolts, Scotty, ScoBol.
- Javid Bowen: Javelin, Ladykiller, The Nephew, MeAndDad’sBro.
- Josh Chudleigh: Joshy, Chudders, Chubby, Chalk-bone, Who?
- Gavin Cooper: Gav, Scooper, Trooper, Looper, Snooper, Pooper, Coops, Clayton, Captain Bradbury.
- Lachlan Coote: Cootie, Little Fella, Dessert Wine, The Vault, Pen-magnet.
- Kyle Feldt: Carl, Fallover Feldt, Fumble Feldt, Feel-Feeling-Feldt, The Equalizer.
- Shaun Fensom: Shauno, Fenny, Little-Dick, Blandsome.
- Jake Granville: Jako, Ugly, Shampoo Stealer, Pigeon, Pigeon Chest.
- Ben Hampton: BH, Benny, Dummy, Blandsome.
- Coen Hess: The German, Das But, The Final Solution, Herman, Rudolph, The Brown Shirt, The Luftwacker, Das Big But, The Negotiator, Ivan, Drago, Dolph.
- Shaun Hudson: Huddo, Shudson, Blandsome.
- Corey Jensen: One-S, Snorey, Benson, Stiffy, Three-Towels, Blandsome.
- Marcus Jenssen: Marco, SkiGod, Big DIck, The Swede, George, Stiffy two, Blandsome.
- Kane Linnet: The Bully, The Schoolyard Bully, Kano, Monobrow, Frankenstein, Ugly Fucker.
- Ethan Lowe: WolfKnee, The Dealer, The Score, The Scratch, The Sniff, The Stash, The Deal, The Pill, The Push, The Hook-up, The Mad Hatter, The Hook, The Mule, The Entrepreneur, The Accused, The Defendant, The Plead, The Candy-Man, The Kick, Doctor Robert, Schmacko, Gene Wilder, The Pigeon, Pigeon Fucker, Wing-job, Lowey.
- Te Maire Martin: Baby, Prettyboy, Egg, Grasscutter, The Understudy.
- Patrick Mago: Patty, Pat, Magoo, Mr Magoo, Mango, Mr Mango.
- Michael Morgan: Michael, Morgo, GoYourself, The M’s, Muff Magnet, 2GOAT.
- Justin O’Neill: Clubman, Jussie, The Pool-Cleaner, JON.
- Kalyn Ponga: Stinky, Moneybags, Chalkbones, Ping.
- Matthew Scott: BulletHead, BlockHead, BigHead, RockHead, The Head, Matty, Scotty, Cap, Hat, Dome, The Hat Model, The Haberdasher, Rug, Handsome Man, Handsome Head, Ugly Head.
- Ben Spina: Benny, Spiney, Anteater, Echidna, Cactus.
- Jason Taumalolo: The Human Cannonball, Jay’t’lolo, Moab, Sir, Jaws, Jawson, Wreckingball, Dally, The Hulk, How LoLo Can You GoGo,
- Jonathan Thurston: JT.
- Braden Uele: Brados, BU, Uke.
- Antonio Winterstein: Tone, Ant, The Triple Entente, Tripod, Frosty, October.
- Shane Wright: Shane.