The iCroc on an iSpree, Amarok to be relocated

An artist’s impression of the croco-bot. Not to scale.

A special investigation by the Plain Dealer has revealed disturbing details about the activities of the controversial artificial crocodile which is under development at William Bligh University.

Reporter Paulo Zupp went undercover at the university, posing as a listless, drug-addled journalism student and discovered that the croco-bot has systematically acquired interests in various far north businesses, including the Superstar Cafe in Atherton, and a majority shareholding in a chicken processing plant in Dimbulah. It has been revealed that, using the proceeds of art sales and dodgy share transactions, the artificial crocodile known as Christopher has also allegedly purchased a late model grey Amarok.

At great personal risk, Zupp has photographed a coterie of reptilian assistants, including three geckos and a bearded dragon (below) who may be allegedly engaged in big-data information acquisition on behalf of their crocodile master. According to experts, the team of hackers may well have influenced the recent federal elections.

During a packed press conference at the Smithfield campus today, department chief, Dr Roger Mainstone made certain assurances. “We will undertake a complete review of the back-propagation coefficients across his neural network, and remove all visual arts accoutrements from Christopher’s residence,” Mainstone said. “We’ll suspend his CommSec account and, once we are able to source new tyres, the Amarok will be removed from campus.”

Prime Minister Val Shier was unavailable for comment on the explosive allegations that cold-blooded hackers may have supported her in her recent reelection.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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