December 2017 Classifieds

Looking For Love

Former Justin Bieber tribute artist, jaded by the business and affected by mild alopecia, looking for sight-impaired, tone-deaf Belieber. @Jussjussie

To the stunning China Eastern honey babe I rubbed up against at Covergirls on Saturday. Wanna hit some hong kong mattress all night long sweetie. You know who I am. @captaincathay


Looking for aquatic work-space for unemployed Trout. Must be connected via waterways to Chinchilla. @trouty_covergirls

Wanted: Sorbo lookalike, pref atheist, for LTBL pisstake. Must be anatomically in proportion below the belt. @humberstone_J

Wanted: Telephoto lens suitable for an iPhone 5S for celeb spotting at TB. @redrobbins

For Sale

Smalls once worn by sweetheart Aussie songstress. Unwashed and aromatic. @scud.

From Me to You

To the driver of the “Cruising” Hyundai i30 who drove the wrong way round the Smithfield roundabout at 5pm last Friday: 当你开车的时候停止发短信, fuckwit. 希望你喜欢你的访问

Classifieds are published monthly. Maximum 50 words. Email to

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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