January 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Diminutive Cowboys tragic looking for cutish Broncos babe for walks in the moonlight, angry sex and Hunt knock-on recreations. @cowrider Wanted Wanted: Superstar Cafe branded milkshake tin. Must not have been used for potplants or cricket box. Name your price. @anwarsmith For Sale For sale: wooden easel. Nearly new, but slightly paintContinue reading “January 2018 Classifieds”

Tablelands organisation announces restructure

By Murray Murchison The Atherton Tablelands Organisation for Meteor Survivors (ATOMS) has announced that it’s annual general meeting will be held in Ravenshoe on April 2nd this year. ATOMS is the peak body for meteor-strike victims in the far north, and boasts a membership of around 15,000. ATOMS President, Anwar Smith (above), has presaged aContinue reading “Tablelands organisation announces restructure”

L’Unicos apologises over Swiss diss

By Allan Povah In response to outrage from the local Swiss community, L’Unicos Trattoria in Trinity Beach has released a formal apology for the blackboard art that appeared outside the establishment last week (above). Spokesman for the Cairns Swiss Society, Gerd Meier, was strident in his criticism of the artwork. “We’re more than just financially-obsessedContinue reading “L’Unicos apologises over Swiss diss”

The iShow set to cash in

By Destiny Givens Ben Dunk, the ‘Innisfail Show’, has once again set the cricketing world alight for the Melbourne Stars in the Big Bash League, and is now set to reap the rewards. Dunk is expected to attract top rupee in the upcoming IPL auction, with several franchises seeking his services. The iShow is noContinue reading “The iShow set to cash in”

Jensen honoured on Hero’s Walk

By Destiny Givens Diminutive Cowboys utility, Corey Jensen has been honoured with a station on the Strand Active Heroes Walk. Jensen has previously struggled to separate himself from other low-profile players with similar names, such as Shaun Fensom, Marcus Jenson, and Shaun Hudson. Many literacy-challenged Cowboys fans, unable to distinguish between these players, have takenContinue reading “Jensen honoured on Hero’s Walk”

FNQIDA graduates reunite on set

By Heather Luck Three Far North Queensland Institute of Dramatic Art graduates, Dylan Porter, Braydon Gibney and Jessicah Fowles-MacEwan (left to right above), have been reunited on the set of the popular Wallet Wizard series of advertisements. The trio last appeared together in 2015 in the acclaimed FNQIDA production of The Tempest. Gibney, who receivedContinue reading “FNQIDA graduates reunite on set”

Extra security for Cookie

By Allan Povah Cairns Mayor, Bob Manning, has announced extra security measures to protect the Sheridan Street statue of James Cook following the overnight ‘pinking’ of a similar statue in St Kilda, Australia (above). From today, there will be a blanket ban on sales of paint tinted with pinkish colours including coral, fuscia, flamingo, lemonade,Continue reading “Extra security for Cookie”

Amcal segregates waiting area

By Kimberley Schloss In what is likely to be a controversial decision, the Amcal pharmacy at the Campus Shops in Smithfield has announced that it will be segregating its waiting area for “operational reasons.” A special seating area (above) has been allocated for patients seeking medication for incontinence. Josh Brendixsen, a pharmacist at the outlet,Continue reading “Amcal segregates waiting area”