February 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Rachel Riley lookalike wanted for outings, and sexual intercourse, maybe more. Must be good at mental arithmetic and innuendo. No Lilys. @RR_coundown_Fan Wanted Patsies for Yellow Bamboo scam. Must be athletic and good screamers. Compensation is negotiable depending on ability. @yellowbamboo Miyagi look-alike for YouTube parody. No porn, promise. No yellow bambooContinue reading “February 2018 Classifieds”

Ben Lee documents, in song, 1999 dinner with Chris Stein

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Sir Ben Lee has released a new downloadable single called “Dinner with Chris Stein” on the ManicPixieDreamBoy label. The jaunty track recalls a evening in 1999 when a young, wide-eyed Ben shared a dinner with the visionary Blondie guitarist. Over the meal of peas, raspberries and a potato, Stein disabuses his youngerContinue reading “Ben Lee documents, in song, 1999 dinner with Chris Stein”

CL rocks the Olympics

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Best known for her thoughtful and introspective pop standards, such as “Hello Bitches” and “Doctor Pepper”, K-Pop superstar CL rocked the closing ceremony of the winter Olympics at the weekend. Musically, little has been heard from the global fashion icon since her last release nearly two years ago. She took a hiatusContinue reading “CL rocks the Olympics”

Mexican dick-swinger to appear in Twister-B Invitational

By Kimberley Schloss Management at Gilligans Spa and Resort has announced a celebrity guest contestant for it’s Twister-B tournament later this month. Mexican man, Roberto Esquivel, will be competing in the prestigious Rotary Twister-B Invitational, and will join a cavalcade of stars. Esquivel, 54, of Saltillo, Coahuila in Mexico, holds the world record for longestContinue reading “Mexican dick-swinger to appear in Twister-B Invitational”

Gilmore plan: Jihadists to camp at Tinaroo

By Murray Murchison Following crushing defeats in Iraq and Syria, global jihadists are casting their eyes south in search of a new base. ‘Big’ Tom Gilmore, mayor of Mareeba, has announced an ambitious plan to bring the group to the Tablelands which, he says, will occasion an economic boom for the region. “It would beContinue reading “Gilmore plan: Jihadists to camp at Tinaroo”

Song-doctor to appeal TayTay court case

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Music industry stalwart, Eric “Song-doctor” Murray has voiced his disappointment in the outcome of the recent court case involving the authoring of Taylor Swift’s mega-hit, ‘Shake it Off’. Swift and her fellow songwriters, including Murray, were being accused of stealing key lyrics to the song. The plaintiff had alleged that ‘Shake itContinue reading “Song-doctor to appeal TayTay court case”

HipMoi Peace Prize awarded to Rachel Frompatioworld

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The 8th annual Lions Club HipMoi Peace Prize has, for only the second time, been awarded to a female. Mrs Rachel Frompatioworld (above) has had successful careers as a public intellectual, socialite and database administrator, but is perhaps best known for her role as Babs, the promiscuous vicar’s wife in BBC’s Broadchurch.Continue reading “HipMoi Peace Prize awarded to Rachel Frompatioworld”

Woree man creates air-disaster museum in his backyard

By Allan Povah Woree hairdresser, Kenneth Wong (above), has opened his private aviation crash museum to the general public and has been overwhelmed with the positive reaction. Mr Wong, 43, has lovingly created true-to-scale reconstructions of real-life non-fatal airline disasters, all in his own backyard. “Everyone is fascinated by air disasters,” said Mr Wong. “EachContinue reading “Woree man creates air-disaster museum in his backyard”

Sinkhole causes chaos at Trinity Beach

By Paolo Zupp A sinkhole has opened up overnight on Vasey Esplanade at Trinity Beach. The cause of the three-metre deep crater is unknown, but speculation is rife that no-hoper youths may be involved. The hazard, which is located slightly south of the stinger nets, is causing great inconvenience to strollers and dog-walkers who haveContinue reading “Sinkhole causes chaos at Trinity Beach”

Seagull Electrical picks up the White Helmet at the Tradies

By Heather Luck Trinity Beach Electrical Contractor, Seagull Electrical, has won the annual White Helmet gong at the FNQ Tradies award for the third year running. In a lavish ceremony held at the Smithfield Cultural Centre last night, Seagull picked up two additional technical awards; best adapted Electrician and best Special Effects (above). “We prideContinue reading “Seagull Electrical picks up the White Helmet at the Tradies”