By Paolo Zupp
A sinkhole has opened up overnight on Vasey Esplanade at Trinity Beach. The cause of the three-metre deep crater is unknown, but speculation is rife that no-hoper youths may be involved.
The hazard, which is located slightly south of the stinger nets, is causing great inconvenience to strollers and dog-walkers who have been forced to mount the treacherous hexagonal paving stones adjacent to the path (above).
Local resident, Melanie Latimer, 72, has claimed that there have been several contra-direction politelessness incidents arising from the reduced access along the Esplanade,
“The Espy is a real chicane at the best of times,” explained Ms Latimer. “During the European winter we get all types of numpties who can’t get it into their common-market noggins that we walk our dogs on the left in TB. This sinkhole has further fucked up my morning wander and Bosley is completely confused. And as for the blithers – they’re a bitch-slap waiting for somewhere to happen.”
Despite repeated FaceBook requests, Councillor ‘Two Bob’ Schilling has not been forthcoming on the cause of the sinkhole other than to say that “Mexicans were not involved.”