Gilmore plan: Jihadists to camp at Tinaroo

By Murray Murchison

Following crushing defeats in Iraq and Syria, global jihadists are casting their eyes south in search of a new base.

‘Big’ Tom Gilmore, mayor of Mareeba, has announced an ambitious plan to bring the group to the Tablelands which, he says, will occasion an economic boom for the region.

“It would be boomtime all right,” declared Gilmore in an exclusive interview with the Plain Dealer. “Those Islamic State boys love to camp out, and we have the best camping in the world on the shores of Lake Tinaroo. I’m a Facebook friend with Mr al-Baghdadi and he’s a straight shooter. Strictly no taqiyya bloke. Our plan is that they’ll set up some quiet medieval communities on the lake and dial down on the jizya demands. We’ll make a killing on arms sales and the trickle-down benefits of sharia. Everyone’s a winner, and they love the Cowboys apparently. And waterskiing.”

Not everyone is enamoured of Gilmore’s bold plan. Reverend Toby Kliminock of the Atherton Friendship Church has spoken strongly against the initiative.

“I fully respect those ISIS chaps as men of faith,” Reverend Kliminock said at a community rally at Lake Eacham on Sunday. “But they’re smelly. And prone to making unchristian decisions. And they smack to me of being Broncos fans.”

Popular Tablelands community group, the Muxes of Mareeba, have also expressed some reservations about an influx of fervent dogmatists into the area.

“It’s hardly high-rise up here on the Tablelands,” explained Diego ‘Dirty’ Sanchez, President of the Muxes. “But it gonna be no barrel of laughs getting hurled off the Mareeba Town Hall. So I hope Gilmore is double-checking rooftop policy with the jihadists.”

Gilmore will present his plan to councillors on Tuesday. A decision is expected by the end of the week.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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