Cowboys fail to resolve teamwork issues: Tate allegedly shot by players

By Destiny Givens

Following a string of five losses, a clinical coaching performance by Paul Green initially halted the Cowboys’ slump with a rousing and mistake-strewn win against the drug-addled Titans.

It has been reported that Green had sequestered the entire Cowboys playing group in the CowHouse for some intense work-shopping following the loss to the Bulldogs.

The sessions, run by Medium Performance Coach, Brent Tate, are believed to have included method acting, improvisation and role-play.

An insider has informed the Plain Dealer several items, including butcher’s paper, mirrors and bump-stocks had been delivered to the palatial headquarters.

It is also known that such sought-after consultants as Steven Bradbury and David Warner had been brought in to explain the benefit of sub-intentional error strategies to aid in opposition confusion and ultimate victory.

The sessions had proved so successful that they were extended into this week, and included some outdoor war-game activities.

Early on game day against Canberra, Coach Tate’s lifeless body was seen being carried (above) to the CowHouse from the nearby swamp. Insiders have alleged that Green had required the coaching group to play the role of foxes in some morale-building sessions of AR-15 Fox and Hounds.

As history will show, the innovative training techniques have proven to be not worth a pinch of shit, given the terrible loss against the piss-poor Raiders.

It is expected that JT and Matt Scott will be playing Queensland Cup football next weekend for the Blackhawks in an attempt for them to regain form.

Ben Hannant has reportedly been recalled from retirement, subject to the successful locating of a red-letter Bible. Todd Carney, who has been serving as water-boy for the CowBoys is expected to be selected in the halves.

The fans have been baying for a recall of club legend Matt Bowen to the named in the team. Mr Bowen was unavailable for comment.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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