Ben Lee rocks the Spratlys

By Allan Povah from aboard The Claire.

A fleet of pleasure boats came into close contact with the Chinese Navy in the South China Sea yesterday resulting in the loss of one vessel, wrecked on the wretched reef of misplaced optimism.

The flotilla was arranged by Ben Lee, Josh Radnor and Peter Andre as a means of reducing tensions in the region. Three boats : The Claire, The Ione and The Poppy, launched from Guam in late June. Their aim was to perform their “The China Sea is not all Chinese” show on the Spratlys with a list of guest performers and lofty dreams of calm seas.

“Things went OK at the start,” explained Andre. “We had to pop up to Busan to pick up G-Dragon and Daesung and then into Kaohsiung for oranges. Dr Luke is terrified of scurvy. Anyway, we were well past Flat Island when a fucking ironclad Dingyuan pulled up beside us and started spraying water at us and shouting at us in Chinese. We were dancin’ in the spray. It was so welcome – we’d been on the seawater for days and were thirsty as fuck. Alex Papps forgot to collect the fresh water in Vladivostok.”

At they were being water-cannoned by the Chinese navy, the adventurers realised that the reason for the aggression may have been that no one had actually sought permission from the Chinese government for staging the event.

“My bad,” said Andre. “No excuse. I was in a digital detox prior to launch and clean forgot to call Beijing. Oops.”

The Claire and The Ione were able to escape and set course to North Sentinel Island. The Poppy was not so lucky and quickly capsized, but not before Ben Lee was able to smash out a quick rendition of Gamble Everything for Love, and fling a coloured stone (below) onto the bleak and desperate Spratly attol. As a member of the Cairns Rocks group it was his dream to conceal a rock on the disputed territory in the hope that, perhaps, one day, at a more peaceful time, when we can all love each other, someone will find it as a souvenir, just to prove the world was here.

Lee, Radnor and Shannon Noll were taken into custody by Chinese officials and were charged with piracy, plagiarism and littering. They are currently receiving consular assistance in Sanya.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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