August 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love

Robbie. You know me already , so no need for the making myself known bullshit. You owe me $125 and a Coles giftcard. No, you’re not getting the ping pong table. @seriouslywhat


Wanted: Peach airlines stewardess outfit (size 16 or above) for roleplay of beverage service and mile-high simulations. @flygirl_trudy

Chinese speaking negotiator with acoustic guitar and knowledge of high-seas law needed for sensitive discussions with concentration camp/jailbird folk artist types. No atheists. @manicpixiedreamboy

For Sale

For quick sale. Monet reproductions. Waterlilies, pipes, chairs and starry nights in the one shot, to scale. @pablo_tequila

Original handwritten lyrics to U R The Best Thing. Moist. $3.00 or will swap for Junior Burger. @tyronefelan

I’ve got crack-codes for a beta version of the iSnake app. No panic mode functionality but otherwise pretty choice. Android only. $10 ono. @trent_taipans


Want to see the delights of Kaohsiung? Join us on our hosted tours. You’ll see tattoos, sex-shows and the Cijin Wind Turbine Park. Want seamy underbelly or fine-dining?..we’ll personalize it for you. @kaohsiung_tours.

From Me to You

To the gentleman who defecated splendidly in the restrooms of the Event cinema Smithfield at around 8:45 pm last Friday. Your performance was not unappreciated. You make the most beautiful whale-song. Thank you sir.

Classifieds are published monthly. Maximum 50 words. Email to

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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