Weathermen hospitalized in Yemen

By Destiny Givens.

The 2018 symposium of the Asian Confederation of Weatherpersons (ACW) has been held at the Arabia Felix hotel in Sana’a, Yemen.

Organisers were disappointed by the poor attendance, with many delegates choosing not to attend due to security issues and lack of weather.

Proceedings finished early when keynote speaker, Grant Denyer, was forced to leave the stage with a sudden case of Sheba’s revenge. Later, there were heated discussions between members of the committee as to how the report should be described in the proceedings document. Popular choices were shitstorm, brown barrio and poo monsoon. In the end, they settled on ‘diarrhea derecho’, with members feeling that it added a local flavour.

Denyer had been seen eating a goat aqdah lunch and may have been further affected by the seven flagons of vintage Seera Lager he consumed whilst waiting for his time on stage. He is recovering in Al Thawra hospital.

The traditional Meteorologists vs Talent T20 cricket match took place in the afternoon at Baydawi Ramli International Stadium (above). Denyer’s place was taken by Sharyn Ghidella who was not a delegate at the conference but had dropped-in while on vacation.

Ghidella is a handy cricketer, having played one test-match for Australia against India in 2016, in which she scored a double century and bamboozled Virat Kohli with her left-arm Chinawomen. She subsequently returned to news-reading after being made ineligible for test selection by the ICC due to ‘box anomalies’.

The Meteorologists protested the validity of Ghidella’s inclusion on the basis she was a newsreader rather than weather-talent. She was ultimately cleared to strap on the pads by the match referee, Manali Lukha, after lawyers produced a YouTube clip in which Amber Sherlock suffered an on-air, mid-forecast wardrobe malfunction. Watching on as anchor, Ghidella was completely unphased by this. She leapt up, gracefully shoved Sherlock off-set, dominated the green-screen, rattled off the tide-times, and delivered some pithy banter to herself as she returned to the main chair.

It proved to be a decisive decision by Lukha. Ghidella opened the batting for the Talent, and carried her bat through the innings, scoring 80 off 45 balls on a turning pitch and a stationary outfield. Steven Jacobs played the sheet-anchor, and scored a slow-fire 3 off 100 balls. Xavier Tras rounded out the scoring with 12, to set a target of 98. The Meteorologists were then dismissed for a total of 15 after a stunning bowling performance by Ghidella and Sami Lukis. Romeo Aguirre top-scored with a careful 14.

Due to player shortages, Ray Wilkie and Livio Regano, who are eligible for both teams, were required to field in both innings. As outfield specialists, they were called-on to do a lot of running on an unforgiving, beach-like surface. Both were later hospitalised as a precautionary measure, with symptoms of redness, gulping and associated sand-swallow.

As always, it was an emotional end to the conference, with new friendships made and old ones renewed. There have been no bids for hosting the next symposium and the ACW is expected to make an announcement in the next few weeks.

Denyer, Regano and Wilkie remain in hospital but are expected to make a full recovery.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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