October 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love

Dear Mexican chef in the purple dress and with the arresting isthmus. I want to taste your Chiapas and nuzzle your Monterrey and your Durango. I will range below you like Guatemala as support as we seek la culminación together. Save me some leftover pib. @isthmus_fever_damo

Wanted

Wanted: Chalice, the more ornate the better. Must have poison intake slot. Have faith, there’s no sinning. The transaction is under His eyes. Praise the fruit. @mel_likes_a_beer

Wanted urgently: C++ programmer with iOS and Android experience. Ophidiophiliacs welcome, but we don’t tolerate ophidicism in the office. What you do in your own time is your business but we would own the IP. Boxer-shorts OK or work from home. Good money to the right code-pig. @topend.

Wanted: Seatbelt demonstrator and oxygen mask for roleplay of preflight briefings and S&M. Prefer new, but would consider unsoiled pre-owned. @flygirl_trudy

Guide-dog statue wanted for quick score at Amcal Smithfield. Rental option (until after pension day) considered. @blind_guy_marcus.

For Sale

Moving to Cow Bay, so need to sell my CF Gold Pass. Brand new, only used once but can recommend. You’ll need to be bearded and bald-ish. No refunds. @cf_guy

4 sale: Painted rock. Picture of unseaworthy looking boat with the caption “Ben Lee Spratly ’18”. Bought in Hong Kong market 4 $10. Will sell 4 $12 or swap 4 rock with unicorn pic. @unique_horny

For sale: original lyrics to Fuck Da Cowboys. Written on a Great Northern coaster from the Yungaburra Hotel. Authenticated by Straggly. $9,000 ono.

Runout sale on men’s cotton shirts in strips, spots, flowers and geometrical shapes. Most in sizes XS S and M.

Announcements

Ladies. A new beauty boutique has opened at Trinity Beach providing everything you’d expect as well as downstairs grooming services and re-alignments. We get our pink NesQuik in BULK so there are NEVER SHORTAGES IN PINK. Milo service provided on request. No judgment. Register for membership @delta_downstairs or drop in and see us.

From Me to You

A callout to Raúl Jiménez fans. Meet me tonight at the Pier Bar soup kitchen and tell me all about him. I’ll be wearing a sombrero. @downandout

To Juliet, haven’t been able to find the tape of your wedding. So don’t bother dropping over unannounced with pie. I’m super-busy with West Wing at the mo. @walkingdeadguy

Personal Services

New-in-town girl looking for some fun. Listen. I know what it is and I know where it goes. I know it is soooo big. In/out calls. No blocked numbers or hairy-backs. @petite_hottie

Classifieds are published monthly. Maximum 50 words. Email to tbpd@iinetnet.au

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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