Authorities seek ‘inveterate shitter’

By Heather Luck.

The Department of Dog Catching and Cat Herding (DDCCH) has appealed to the public to help them find and arrest a criminal canine who is the main suspect in a slew of shitting offences.

Commissioner of the DDCCH, Desmond Bowe, has said that the department is pursuing the animal with “overwhelming prejudice” and have released a photograph taken outside the Coles at Smithfield (above). The dog has also been sighted at the Amcal Chemist at the Campus shops and inside the NewsXpress at Cairns Central.

“We’ve had a lot of sightings,” said Bowe. “And they are all on the 111 bus route. We’re not ruling out the possibility that a 10 Zone weekly pass from Sunbus has been acquired.”

Commissioner Bowe described the dog as an “inveterate shitter”, and warned the public that if the dog was encountered “Do not approach. Call Triple-O immediately and watch your step.”

The DDCCH have been relentless in their pursuit of miscreant canines since policies were changed last year. Dog advocate and CEO of Cairns Pets, Kristen Fitzpatrick, was scathing in her criticism of the DDCCH’s policies. “You’d have to be blind to think that dog needs to be incarcerated. This is just an innocent puppy who just wants a pat and a rub on the tum-tum,” she said. “There’s no need for such Orwellian behaviour.”

Management at Coles Smithfield have assured shoppers prices remain “Down Down.”

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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