December 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love

Editor: No love to be found this month. Must be Christmas and raining.


I need a regular lift from TB to the Red Hat on Thursdays for the raffle and nipple. I been catching the SunBus but I’m blackballed due to reasons I’d rather not discuss. If anyone can help, I’ll be at the pokies end of the Tavern from elevenses. Just ask for Trevor. They know me.

For Sale

Sale Event! Various portraits, sculptures and gifs of random frizzy-haired men in various styles available at the Plain Dealer offices on Vasey Esplanade. Make us an offer. No refunds. Don’t come with high expectations.

For sale: hymn book. Slightly used. Has all the classics. $2 or will swap for unicorn shaped thing. @unique_horn_rihanna

From Me to You

To Juliet, tell the Serenity Operative that it’s carollers. With any luck by this time next year I’ll be going out with a supermodel and not obsessing over a chipmunk like you. But for now, let me say, without hope or agenda, just because it’s Christmas, (and at Christmas you tell the truth), to me you are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you, until you look like a wizened old crone. Merry Christmas. Enough. Enough now. @walkingdeadguy

To the dickheads who rode their mountain-bikes down the stairs at the northern end of Trinity Beach. “The 100” is something special. Don’t fuck it up with your northern European cowbells and bullshit. @silentinferiority

Hey everyone. It’s Charlie from Keem St at TB. Last month I loaned someone a Riyobi power drill and for the life of me can’t remember who. Please drop it back when you get a chance.

Classifieds are published monthly. Maximum 70 words. Email to

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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