March 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love

Sugar. Ah honey honey. You are my candy girl and you got me wanting you. Andrea, please come to your senses and call me. Todd.


I have an an increasingly urgent need for Pocahontas and Moana glow-in-the dark ooshies. Please help @rena

Got an outhouse for sale? Fancy selling you granny flat? Contact us for a great selling/conveyancing service. NQA. Everything on the QT. @JBarmy

For Sale

For sale: Dog crowns of various sizes. Your puppy can be king of his doghouse, just like Digger. Would suit big-eared or even tempered dog. Will not sell to scotties, except if wearing skirt. Prices vary, but expect no change out of a pineapple. @kingdogsales

I’ve got Woody, Ariel, Elsa, Bo Peep, Hulk and Minnie Mouse glow-in-the-dark ooshies. Happy to sell FFM, MFM or full gangbang. $50 per or make an ethical offer. @vestergaarded


Do you bit for TB. Anyone with knowledge of strange behavior by realtors, conmen, landscape gardeners or others, contact CrimeStoppers. Anonymity is guaranteed. Unlisted numbers will no be answered. 04185532022.

From Me to You

Hey incoganonny or whatever the fuck your name is. Do you know who you are dealing with? I’ll fuck you up like a dry July, my tight-arsed bunny. Mess with me and its carney town all fucking forever. @whit_west

Personal Services

Poet, expert in haiku and with a passion for children’s welfare, is offering bespoke verse for a nominal, but significant, fee. I will need to look into your beautiful eyes and drink in your timeless presence to craft the perfect map of your soul. @aaron_jones

Classifieds are published monthly. Maximum 50 words. Email to

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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