By Allan Povah.
Underneath the relaxed laissez-faire attitude of FNQ, a controversy is bubbling away over Israel Folau’s Instagram post (above), in which he condemned certain segments of society to eternal torment in Hell.
Many, many North Queenslanders have responded strongly to the footballer’s post. Matters of faith are sometimes difficult to discuss, but we at the Plain Dealer feel that it is our duty to allow people to have their say about these issue. So, over three days, we canvassed a range of locals to find their reaction to the post and found some surprising points of view.
The Politician: Flossie Henderson , Manager of External Affairs at Cairns City Council
“Let’s face it, Izzie is really painting with a broad tar-brush. I’m on board with his views on idolaters, but if the almighty is going to condemn the adulterers, the liars, the thieves and the drunks, you may as well set up a Hades reception-centre right here at the council chambers. In fact, basically everyone in Cairns is headed towards a traffic jam on the highway to Hell.”
“I would add that neither Bob Manning, nor any of his executive team has any sinning that can be proven, especially not in the areas of adultery and thievery. Mr Manning often works late into the night due to pressing infrastructure development issues, which have all been fully costed and are totally above board. I sometimes am required to spend long evenings with the great man, encouraging new directions in policy positions and bouncing ideas around, but there is absolutely no funny business going on.”
The Christian: Michelle Burgess of the Cairns Christian Coalition
“At last. At last. Praise be. Someone is finally telling the truth. I commend Reverend Folau for his wise and righteous words. Under His Eye.”
The Atheist: Mr Jonas Humberstone of the Smithfield Atheist and Sceptic Association
“Fuck Off Izzie. This is a measured, deliberate and provocative statement. And completely unconvincing. I’m unimpressed by his threats that sizzling torture and agony await me in the after-life. These types of threats are laughable to atheists because we just don’t believe they are true and don’t care. And Izzie has caught himself in a ticklish little paradox in that his whole post is a lie, which means his is destined, under his own claims, for a whole bunch of weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
The Sportsman: Quade Cooper: Scandal-ridden Rugby Union International
“Izzie is a good mate of mine, and was always a good winger and designated driver. He means well and is a devastating broken-play runner. All he wants is for everyone to feel the joy that he feels when under the gaze of our Lord and to lay one down under the big sticks. Onya Izzie.”
The knockabout bloke from Far North Queensland: Jamie Brady, 48, of Kanimbla
“What the fuck is that dickhead talking about? You’re a fucking footballer mate. Sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up and pull your fucking head in, you muppet.”