Professor Christopher elected WBU Vice-Chancellor

By Murray Murchison.

The media office at William Bligh University has released a statement today that Professor Christopher Crocodile has been elected as the new Vice Chancellor of the prestigious university. The announcement was something of a surprise as Emeritus Professor Aubrey Patterson had been expected to be appointed.

In the lead-up to the appointment, there have been heated exchanges between supporters of Professor Christopher and those of Patterson, a Nobel Laureate and four time runner-up in the FNQoTY award.

Whilst his supporters made allegations that Professor Christopher was not a carbon-based organism, and was in fact a crocogynous automaton, Patterson was equivocal.

“I’ve found this election process somewhat tawdry,” he explained from his rooms on the WBU Tahiti campus. “The politics of offence, blame, aggrandizement and grievance is dominating the university Eigenspace at the moment and it is all so trivial. Such simple equations. I’m sure Chrissy C feels the same – we have much in common. So, I’m more than happy to see him step up and manage the current cultural paradigm – he is a much more durable being. And I am delighted to be able to get back to my Hamiltonians.”

Early indications are that the new Vice Chancellor will be placing an emphasis on reptile studies, eigenquantae, vulcanisation and intersectionalism. A departmental review at WBU is expected within weeks.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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