Machans animal celebrant releases ‘Licky’

By Heather Luck.

Popular Machans Beach animal celebrant, Rose Limbaugh (above), has announced that she will be launching a new app, Licky, aimed at helping pets in the far north find true love.

Limbaugh, who famously officiated at the nuptials of former First Dog Ringo (RIP) and his longtime partner Dixie Marshmallow, has identified some disturbing trends associated with globalisation, regulatory reform and increased oversight of animal husbandry.

“For some animals in our community it is very difficult to find love,” Ms Limbaugh explained. “Many are locked in all day and only get a limited time when they are on walkies to meet, shit, and woo potential partners. Most often, encounters are reduced to two bums that sniff in the afternoon. It’s tragic. So I teamed up with a young Indian chap on Freelancer dot com, and we’ve made a super little app that will allow owners to source a life-partner for their loved animals. Or, where something more casual is warranted, help them find a quick dog-park rooty-tooty. No judgement. Varneshwaran assures me that Licky has been written with completely ethical and non-blackmailable subroutines. And no spaghetti code. It’s totally object-oriented. And for Licky, the object is puppy-love, and the orientation is flirty by northwest!”

The app has the capability of finding prospective love-matches based on species, breed, and location. Like Bumble, Licky puts the power very firmly with in the tender paws of the ladies. “The bitches get the right of refusal,” explained Ms Limbaugh. “That’s the way nature barks.”

The Plain Dealer contacted the Department of Dog Catching and Cat Herding for comment on this story. We were directed to their downloadable policy pdfs ‘Policy on Dog-park Rooting‘, ‘Policy on Dog-shit’ and ‘Policy on Social Media Doggie-style Dogging and Cat-Fishing‘. We encourage all readers to review these documents prior to sending in their complaints.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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