Second Truth Day is truly truthy

By Murray Murchison.

The Plain Dealer has maintained our uncompromising pursuit of fake truthiness by staging a second Truth Day at the Reef Casino. As was the case for the inaugural installment one year ago, the event was a bald-faced success (under the Chatham House rule).

The guests, which included Eric Murray and Nicole Kidman, were forthright in their honesty, and willingness to accept their due approbation. Some of the best lies are included below.

The full list of lies, as delivered live at the venue, can be viewed on our subscription streaming service Plain Dealer TV. For details on how to subscribe, send a non-refundable cheque for $1000 to: Trinity Beach Plain Dealer, Vasey Esplanade, Trinity Beach.

WhoLieTruth
Ethan LoweI’m a drug-dealer and I make puppy snacksI don’t deal drugs and I don’t have any pigeons. The whole thing is a ridiculous fabulism by Murray Murchison. Also, I don’t make schmackos. I’m a cat guy. I’m just a passably talented footballer with a wolf on his knee. Stop making a big deal about it.
Ken Frost, Owner, Ken Frost HomesThe Ken Frost DifferenceLook, there really isn’t a Ken-Frost-Difference. There’s a lot of Ken-Frost-exactly-the-same. All our homes are vaguely familiar to something you saw someplace that time you can’t remember but quite liked. The kids playing in the playground are filing for divorce from their second marriage and my daughter is in her thirties and I think she’s got the shits. The world is not a rosy place, people. That’s the truth.
Pete EvansI’m a hugely talented food professional just asking questions about sunscreen.Are you guys really ready for this? I’m not sure I’m ready, but my counsellor tells me it will be cathartic. OK (takes breath). This is it. I’m a shit chef – I failed egg-boiling at TAFE. I honestly don’t know what Manu is talking about most of the time. I don’t like sunscreen because I thought it was mayonnaise one time and ruined mummy’s egg and lettuce sandwiches. She made me eat them. I don’t understand vaccines, but they are pointy and hurty.
Dame Nicole KidmanI am blonde, surprised and Keith is packing pythonRight. Here comes the truths. I have had some cosmetic adjustments but I look no more surprised than I ever have. Except that time Tom jumped the couch. And, OK, Keith is not well endowed, at least to the extent that I have seen. Some say he is somewhat lavender, I can agree with that, but still a relentless artistic volcano in search of his outlet. Despite the backlash, we still often have Sunday roast. I am a rednut. I’m not a Dame.
Murray Murchison, Editor in Chief, Trinity Beach Plain DealerI live in RydeHa! Gotcha Tatey. I don’t live in Ryde, I live in Condobolin. See you soon. The maccas there has a hitching post.

There is no subscription service. Don’t send $1000.
Shannon NollI’m incarcerated in a Chinese prison because of Ben Lee.I’m not in a Chinese prison. I don’t even know Ben Lee… seems like a nice bloke but I wouldn’t get on a boat with him. Yes, I did say some bad shit at the Duck Creek Picnic Races but it was justified, believe me. Except for the fucking his mother proposition. And there is no way I’ve had a guitar inserted up my arse. It wouldn’t work. Stop sending me Anusol.
Eric MurrayI’ve coauthored all the hits you’ve ever heard.I’m not a real person. I’m a vehicle for Murray Murchison to point out shit lyrics and humorous asides to pop music. Stop complaining.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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