Tucker takes aim at big dumps

By Allan Povah.

US talk show host and truth-teller, Tucker Carlson (above) has caused a splash after his unhinged reporting on the dropping of big dumps at polling booths around the country.

“These dumps are coming in the middle of the night,” he said on his highly rated Foxtel show. “There’s dumps in Pennsylvania, in Georgia and in Michigan. I haven’t seen a more constant stream of dumps since the day after the Fox election curry night at the Bengal Tiger in 2012. Obama got reelected. And Laura had the vindaloo. Big mistake. We had to send someone out for some Kraft singles for her to cleanup.”

The urbane Californian journalist, who medalled in rhythmic gymnastics at the 1988 Seoul Olympics, further claimed that the dumps were fraudulent, a threat to democracy and that there was “something fishy” about them.

Carlson is deeply popular in North Queensland. Crossfire: The Anthology is the most streamed alternative documentary in the county on Netflix and a Joey Perrone’s folk-rock cover version of Tucker’s hit song “unreasonable viewers” reached the top of the charts in 2020. However, his outpouring on dumps have met with a mixed reaction, even from the faithful.

When asked about the rant, phlebotomist and president of the North Queensland Tucker Carlson fan club, Kiralee Browne-Thompson, was guarded in her response. “Tuckie can do no wrong in my opinion,” she said from the NQTCFC headquarters at the Boland’s Centre on Spence Street. “I’m going to wait to see where he goes with his dumps. I’m sure he will be exposing the noxious odor of political correctness and socialism. And I really hope he resurrects the bow-tie. And the vest. So dishy.”

NQTCFC member Lenny Collier, 53, of Stratford was less supportive. “Look, we’ve all snapped one off on election day,” he said. “Maybe we’ve looked around and thought that something was a bit strange. Maybe we’ve taken a photo and put it on Insta. Maybe we’ve stuffed the ballot boxes with TP. Who hasn’t cast a vote for nanna? These are reasonable things. But Tucker is just crazy about this shit. He needs to let the dumps go as gracefully as he can and focus on big business.”

Tucker Carlson Tonight streams on Foxtel. Mr Carlson was contacted for this story but did not respond to our DMs on Twitter.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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