By Allan Povah.
The Vice-Chancellor of William Bligh University has called for charges to be laid against a man who allegedly attacked a crocodile in Lake Placid yesterday.
Adjunct Emeritus Professor Christopher has described the attack as “unprovoked and deeply crockist.”
“Zachary was simply enjoying a pleasant wallow in the lake,” claimed Christopher from the catbird seat of his luxury Amarok. “Then suddenly he was viciously head-butted by some human, who subsequently wrenched his jaw open and kicked him in the dick. It was very disturbing. Zacky may need dentures. The assailant should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.”
The professor is the most vocal in a bask of academics who have been drawing attention to the rise of radical reptile theory and attendant crocodile discrimination.
“The whole community is under seige,” the professor said. “Poor Zachary has been affected by copy-cat attacks by thugs in high-vis (above) and has gone into hiding on Bartle Frere. No one will think to look for him there.”
Senior Detective Julian Ritchard, acting Executive Secretary of the Crocodile Commission was contacted for comment but was unavailable.