March 2021 Classifieds

Looking For Love

A spry 83 year old gentleman and (recent) widower is looking for 20-something blonde cultured lady for youth rediscovery. No widgies. RSVP @harold_kuiper_38

Looking for experienced lover to induct a perky 24 year-old geriatric nurse into the ways of love. No one under 75 need apply. I can get a pump from work if that helps. @quiet_alice

Wanted

Wanted: Yabbie-pump for repurposing as Richard. Must be hermetic. Will swap for anusol. @harold_kuiper_38

For Sale

For sale: Multipurpose barbecue spatula. Used once. Disinfected. $10. @destiny.lives.free.

Announcements

Looking for an authentic outback tropical holiday on a working farm? Visit G G Rockley Pig Farms at Atherton and stay in a rustic pen with full amenities. Bottle of sparkly on arrival. Some duties required. Would suit Anosmiacs and Phantosmiacs. @gg_rocks_piggy

From Me to You

To the gang-shit graffiti guy, we’re looking for a blackboard artist and we like what you have to say. Come talk @lunicos

To the toy that couldn’t use a cannon in a gunfight. Fuck thy tags dickweed. Buff thyself. @king.gunshot

To the graffiti artist 4780 Fuck Thy Dogs. We love your work. You have won an all-expenses paid holiday for three to six months. Do not pass Go. Come to 1117 Captain Cook Highway, Smithfield ASAP. @winners

Announcement:

To all readers, I’d like to apologize for elements of the story about the closure of the Blue Moon Bar and Grill, for which I was the primary contributor. I deeply regret using the phrase ‘Namaste fuckers’ and will endeavor never to use this terminology again. In my defense, I had just downed a bottle of Lindy Fraise and was feeling deeply guilty over my un-provable role in the financial problems suffered by the BMB&G. Sincerely, MM.

Classifieds are published monthly. Maximum 90 words. Email to tbpd@iinetnet.au

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: