Gus Gould to be denied entry to North Queensland

By Kimberley Schloss.

Cowboys fans have railed against the commentary of Phil ‘Gus’ Gould during the 34-30 win over the grieving Tigers yesterday. As a result of Gould’s bizarre performance it is expected that Prime Minister Val Shier will consider denying a visa for Gould should he wish to take up commentary duties in North Queensland.

This is likely to be a symbolic act, as the portly ex-supercoach never travels north of the Tropic of Capricorn, allegedly due to ‘sweating issues.’

The Cowboys dominated the first half yesterday, leading by 22 points at the break. At the start of the second half, Gus formulated a plan for the Tigers’ comeback. It was simple. “Score the next try, then the next try, then the next try, then the next try. And convert them all. And don’t allow the Cowboys to score,” he schemed.

His cunning plan began to unfold nicely as the Tiger scored three quick-fire touchdowns. Then, when a fourth was seemingly scored in the north-eastern corner of Leichhardt Oval, the scheme began to come apart. The try was disallowed by The Bunker due to a clear obstruction from Jimmy ‘The Jet’ Roberts.

At this point, Gus fulminated against the officials for applying the rules. His narrative (of a come-from-behind fibro-silvertail bring-back-the-biff man’s-game triumph blessed by Tommy Raudonikis RIP) was smashed to little pieces by those attention-seeking pedants.

As the WIN Television drone lifted about the green oval on a beautiful 11 degree autumn day showing picturesque views of Australia’s biggest city, Gus signed off by saying “if you don’t live in Sydney, you’re camping out.”

Meanwhile, in Townsville it was 28 degrees. And this Trinity Beach reporter, lounging beside a resort pool, looking fabulous and drinking Pimms reached the same conclusion that is apparent to every Cowboys fan, every week.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot Gus.’

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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