Women speak out on cat fracas

By Kimberley Schloss.

The two women at the centre of a mid-ceremony disturbance at the recent funeral of Cutie the Curlew have spoken out in defence of their cat.

Mrs Jayne Paronella and her daughter Ebony Mallon (above right) of Mount Sheridan were asked to leave the event after their cat, Edith (above left), leapt into the open casket and began toying with the beloved curlew as she lay in state. The celebrant, Magritte Bayliss intervened to remove Edith from the casket, after which the furry feline felon was detained for questioning by YAPS bailiff, Sergeant Alby Jamieson.

“Edith loves birds,” explained Mrs Paronella in an interview with Cat Ladies Weekly magazine. “Especially disabled ones. Loves them to death. But I’ve had a long chat with her and we all accept that she did the wrong thing by giving Cutie a little cuddle. She made a mistake. But that doesn’t excuse the emotional torment inflicted on her by that fat bailiff. No wonder Eedie-weedie got a bit scratchy-watchy.”

In an exclusive doorstop interview with the Plain Dealer, Mrs Paronella has denied allegations leveled on Twitter that Edith had secreted a section of Cutie’s furcula from the casket and has secreted it away as some kind of trophy.

“It is not possible that Edith has retained so much as a feather from that bird’s body, let alone an effing furcula,” exclaimed Mrs Paronella from behind the front door of her Woree home. “A furcula? Heavens above, that’s crazy talk? Edith is not going to bother with an effing furcula. There’s no fun in that. She’s not a fucking dog, for Christ’s sake. Besides, she is always generous with sharing her scratchings and she has deposited nothing in my toiletry bag recently. Well, nothing avian.”

Sergeant Jamieson remains in a stable condition at Cairns Base Hospital, having been treated for lacerations, high blood-pressure, shingles and PTCD. He is expected to make a fullish recovery.

Published by murraymurchison

Editor in Chief at the Trinity Beach Plain Dealer

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