March 2021 Classifieds

Looking For Love A spry 83 year old gentleman and (recent) widower is looking for 20-something blonde cultured lady for youth rediscovery. No widgies. RSVP @harold_kuiper_38 Looking for experienced lover to induct a perky 24 year-old geriatric nurse into the ways of love. No one under 75 need apply. I can get a pump fromContinue reading “March 2021 Classifieds”

July 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Brinsmead man, 23, with blue penis, willing to sit for hottie portrait artist (18-22). Available this week (and next week too if you’re into BO). If you want him angry, it can be arranged no problem. Open to long-term arrangement. @reecewinters. Wanted Wanted: Sunscreen substitute for conscientious abstainer, Must be SPF 1000Continue reading “July 2019 Classifieds”

June 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Kuranda women, 46, disappointed by love but aspirationally intact, seeking earthy, hirsute flower gentleman for love-making under the stars. Must be snipped. No southern-cross tattoos. @janellespiritguide Wanted Wanted: Model of the great pyramid in Giza. If you’ve got a Sphinx as well, we would consider it. Full scale preferred. Must be ableContinue reading “June 2019 Classifieds”

May 2019 Classifieds

Wanted Looking for travel buddy to go to North Korea and Yemen with BLT in October. Must be up for anything, even gaejang-guk and extradition. Prefer busty Swedish type. Full disclosure: I can get a bit handsy on a bellyful of Pyongyang Pilsner. No offence taken tho. @wayne_jones Wanted: Large mockup of Eiffel Tower. WillContinue reading “May 2019 Classifieds”

April 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Shortish man, swarthy but not too much, looking for tall coffee-coloured woman for breeding. Profits 50/50. Please email your pedigree and recent photo (pref nude) to andy_pants@gmail.com. Wanted Anyone has had some kind of stroke or car accident or syphilis or other tragedy …please don’t worry. If you have a BTS ticket,Continue reading “April 2019 Classifieds”

March 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Sugar. Ah honey honey. You are my candy girl and you got me wanting you. Andrea, please come to your senses and call me. Todd. Wanted I have an an increasingly urgent need for Pocahontas and Moana glow-in-the dark ooshies. Please help @rena Got an outhouse for sale? Fancy selling you grannyContinue reading “March 2019 Classifieds”

February 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Hopelessly romantic, cuddly soon-to-be professional knife-thrower looking for brave woman with small head and big hair for target practice and chill. Maybe more. @william_tell_in_black_jeans Wanted Needed: Partner in pyramid chicken plucking scheme. It’s a job no one wants which makes it the perfect scalable opportunity. You benefit from other people’s plucking. GoldmineContinue reading “February 2019 Classifieds”

January 2019 Classifieds

Looking For Love Darling, those beach-almonds has got me thinking. About the first time that we fell. You didn’t inspire the smell too much, you inspired the smell too well. Andrea, please come to your senses and call me. Todd. Wanted I need donations of Riyobi products for collection completion and saving kiddies in Africa.Continue reading “January 2019 Classifieds”

December 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Editor: No love to be found this month. Must be Christmas and raining. Wanted I need a regular lift from TB to the Red Hat on Thursdays for the raffle and nipple. I been catching the SunBus but I’m blackballed due to reasons I’d rather not discuss. If anyone can help, I’llContinue reading “December 2018 Classifieds”

November 2018 Classifieds

Looking For Love Any Asian woman in Cooktown or Cow Bay areas. Wanna talk about conceptual art and shrieking? I’ll be playing gigs up there this weekend and would be keen to meet up. Or you can hang around and annoy the boys and we can go for cake. Contact me @winston Wanted Experienced hardwareContinue reading “November 2018 Classifieds”