Vice chancellor calls for charges to be laid for croc attack

By Allan Povah. The Vice-Chancellor of William Bligh University has called for charges to be laid against a man who allegedly attacked a crocodile in Lake Placid yesterday. Adjunct Emeritus Professor Christopher has described the attack as “unprovoked and deeply crockist.” “Zachary was simply enjoying a pleasant wallow in the lake,” claimed Christopher from theContinue reading “Vice chancellor calls for charges to be laid for croc attack”

Diogo meets Dustin

By Murray Murchison. There was high tension in the Murchison household as the family’s new pet llama, Diogo (above left) met the family retainer Dustin (right). It was a slightly awkward first meeting, but Diogo stood firm as Dustin moved around, sniffing at his new friend. Diogo has moved into the Murchison abode in ParramattaContinue reading “Diogo meets Dustin”

Surf’s up and the mushrooms are out

By Shirley Higgins-Croft. Former tropical cyclone Imogen, having crossed to coast on the west side of the York Peninsula, has whipped up the surf on Trinity Beach (above) and delivered a good drop of rain. As a result, lawn are lengthening, leather is mouldy and every surface is kissed by a sheen of moisture. TheseContinue reading “Surf’s up and the mushrooms are out”

Tucker takes aim at big dumps

By Allan Povah. US talk show host and truth-teller, Tucker Carlson (above) has caused a splash after his unhinged reporting on the dropping of big dumps at polling booths around the country. “These dumps are coming in the middle of the night,” he said on his highly rated Foxtel show. “There’s dumps in Pennsylvania, inContinue reading “Tucker takes aim at big dumps”

And the winner is Arse!

By Murray Murchison. Amber Stillwell of Kanimbla has taken out the Plain Dealer’s biennial arse or elbow competition by correctly guessing the subject of the picture. Congratulations Ms Stillwell! Over 3.4 million entries were received and around 3.35 million of those guessed ‘Arse’ as the answer. Turns out the Plain Dealer readers are pretty deftContinue reading “And the winner is Arse!”

Rondo to serve up Beer

By Shirley Higgins Croft. The Rondo Theater has announced it’s spring program, which is headlined by B is for Beer, a jaunty farce taking the audience on a musical pub crawl, starting from be-bop innocence, via doo-wop inebriation to brit-pop jubilation. Rodney K Wright is producing the show, and again the great Alexei Finlayson willContinue reading “Rondo to serve up Beer”

Auction fracas leads to arrests

By Allan Povah. It has been a tough time for realtors in Far North Queensland, with a spate of scams and the stench of almond tree pervading the industry and tarnishing what was previously a shabby reputation. Matters got even worse today when, during an auction in Edge Hill (house pictured above – photograph courtesyContinue reading “Auction fracas leads to arrests”

Burke: the Musical opens at the Rondo

By Allan Povah The highly anticipated production of Burke: The Musical has opened at the Rondo theatre in Edge Hill. The tribute to the popular backyard landscape gardener has been written and choreographed by Alexi Finlayson from a libretto by Lincoln Humphries. The show stars Joey Perrone as Burke and Alex Papps as the crocodile,Continue reading “Burke: the Musical opens at the Rondo”

Digger crowned ‘King of Dogs’

By Allan Povah. The first dog, Digger Digmore Barkington-Smythe has been crowned King Of Dogs by the Cairns Pets association. He has been granted ‘freedom of the CowHouse’ and rewarded with a pallet of schmackos, tastefully baked by Ethan Lowe. King Digger has undergone some snout-lightening and fur coloration since his image last graced theContinue reading “Digger crowned ‘King of Dogs’”

Ooshies used in education program

By Kimberley Schloss. The Far North Queensland Sex Education Project (FNQSEXEDPRO), a not-for-profit association aiming to improve awareness of appropriate sexual behavior and techniques among teenagers and other teen-curious youngsters, has announced a new interactive education program. According to FNQSEXEDPRO’s mission statement, their aim to “make teens aware of what is right, what is wrong,Continue reading “Ooshies used in education program”