Arse or Elbow competition opens!

It’s that time again. The Trinity Beach Plain Dealer’s biennial Arse or Elbow competition is now open. One of the Plain Dealer’s editorial team takes a photograph (above) of themselves in the privacy of the lunch-room. It is your job to guess whether the photo is of an arse or an elbow. This time, our modelContinue reading “Arse or Elbow competition opens!”

‘Shannon Noll’ Released

By Destiny Givens. Shannon Noll has been languishing in a Kunming jail since mid 2018 after a well-meaning but ultimately ill-fated escapade with Ben Lee in the Spratly Islands. The prison term has come at a very bad time for Noll, following a breakout performance at the Duck Creek Picnic Races last July. Fans haveContinue reading “‘Shannon Noll’ Released”

iShow the bridesmaid again

By Destiny Givens After a disappointing night at the Allan Border Medal, in which he failed to take home a single award, Ben Dunk, the Innisfail Show, has again faced up to the out-swing of disappointment with his Melbourne Stars losing to the Renegades in the BBL final. Dunk’s performance with the bat, scoring theContinue reading “iShow the bridesmaid again”

Popup pharmacy a big hit

By Allan Povah Rudi Samanchara, assistant manager at the Chemist Warehouse in the City was overjoyed with the turnout to their popup pharmacy on Grafton Street for Chinese New Year celebrations. “We are so happy with the success of the venture, and by the way, Gōngxǐ fācái everyone!” said Ms Samanchara. “The baby-food was allContinue reading “Popup pharmacy a big hit”

Doberman challenges ‘world champion’ Patriots

By Destiny Givens Quarterback for the Trinity Beach Dobermen, Cobey Callahan, has been vocal in his criticism that the winners of a recent Gridiron match in Atlanta, the New England Patriots (above), have been called called “world champions”. Callahan also described the style of football played by the Patriots as “pedestrian”, “soft” and has laidContinue reading “Doberman challenges ‘world champion’ Patriots”

Murchison fails in sphere attempt, possible sombrero toggle outcome

By Paolo Zupp Melissa Murchison, 9, of Parramatta Park, has failed in her attempt to sculpt a perfect alfoil ball. Since her brother, Mitchell, achieved the feat in 2017, Melissa, along with thousands of other children, have been attempting to replicate it. None of them have met with success. Miss Murchison has been accused ofContinue reading “Murchison fails in sphere attempt, possible sombrero toggle outcome”

WBU release influencer’s feud-guide

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The William Bligh University Department of Comportment has released a graphical guide to current relationships amongst social media influencers. This initiative is aimed at keeping students informed on the status of feuds between high-profile twitterati and insta-tubers to assist them in their studies. “This kind of information is essential to all students,Continue reading “WBU release influencer’s feud-guide”

Police in hot pursuit of Almond Tree murderer

By Allan Povah. Three beach almond trees have been poisoned at the southern end of Trinity Beach. Locals are furious that the 75 year old trees will be lost forever, survived only by memories and wood-chips. Fourteen members of Far North Queensland Police CID were investigating at the scene again today, taking soil samples andContinue reading “Police in hot pursuit of Almond Tree murderer”

Karl snarls in terse verse

By Shirley Higgins-Croft The Yorkeys Knob offices of Tropical Talent today released a press statement on behalf of their client, celebrity pantsman Karl Stefanovic. Stefanovic has been in the gossip and sports pages lately, with two high-profile marriage-breakups, a liaison with Princess Meghan and an ill-fated stint as high-performance social coach at the Mackay Cutters.Continue reading “Karl snarls in terse verse”

KarMeg leg into Keg, then gone-ski in Sikorsky

By Shirley Higgins-Croft Australian celebrity gentleman, Karl Stefanovic, has again been seen canoodling with American-British princess, Meghan Markle, this time at the Reuben Hills Cafe in Sydney. According to an unnamed but swarthy barista, the couple indulged in twin Irish venti mocha decaf frappuccinos and declined the offer of complimentary Lotus biscoffs. The barista confirmedContinue reading “KarMeg leg into Keg, then gone-ski in Sikorsky”